Magazines! You know they're all just glossy insecurity factories trying to suck your brain matter out through your thighs, but sometimes their cover lines are soooooooo tempting. Too bad they're all a lie! In "Cover Lies," Jezebel assistant/intern Maria and Cheryl rewrite the newsstand's magazine covers to better reflect the stories within.

So, the absence of potential penis tricks and rapid weight-loss strategies makes mother Vogue 's cover lines kind of blah. Kind of like Kate Bosworth! Like... what do you say about Kate Bosworth? We tried so hard to think of something, and it all came back to: We're hungry just looking at her. And: does she menstruate? We ponder this and so much more after the jump.

Related: The Jezebel Manifesto: The Five Great Lies Of Women's Magazines