Violent Man Uses The 'I'm A 500-Year-Old Vampire' Excuse

19-year-old Lyle Monroe Bensley, who says he’s a vampire, has been arrested in Galveston, Texas for allegedly forcing his way into a woman’s home, then biting and hitting her in bed. After she was dragged out of her apartment, she was able to escape by jumping into a neighbor’s car. Police say Bensley told them, “I’m a vampire and I’ve been alive for over 500 years,” and was “begging us to restrain him because he didn’t want to kill us.” We’re going to need everyone claiming to be a vampire to go back to brooding and obsessively watching old episodes of Buffy because you’re scaring the hell out of us.