Violent Clowns Are Now Stalking France

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If Twisty, American Horror Story's resident clown of creepiness and doom, hasn't given you enough of a reason to stay home this Halloween (although he will get you there, too. He's a clown), consider this chilling news: French police are warning citizens of violent attacks perpetrated by clowns with guns and knives.


According to the BBC, police have been arresting evil clowns left and right. And while some of these clowns seem, like the Wasco clown, just to be out having a good time, some are traveling in bands (is a group of clowns a "car" or a "circus" of clowns?) with weapons and a thirst for blood*.

On Saturday, police in Agde arrested 14 teenagers who were dressed as clowns wielding pistols, knives and baseballs bats. In Montpellier, a man in a clown costume was arrested after beating another man with an iron bar. And in Bethune, in the north of France, a 19-year-old was sentenced to a suspended jail term for threatening passers-by while dressed as a clown.

That is terrifying. Not only that people are dressing as clowns, of course, (although clowns are scarier than both the Ann Coulter appearing at the food of your bed at midnight and Shadow People) (don't click that link!) but that they're using the opportunity to commit violent acts under the guise of anonymity. And police are worried that the internet has something to do with this. Because, of course. The internet is basically now responsible for all of the horrible things that ever happen in the world. And, The BBC reports, Reddit may be a big part of why people think doing this is cool.

Of course, people who choose to dress up as clowns and assault others have no one but themselves to hold accountable. If you're a teen who dressed up as some kind of harlequin and then decided to threaten others with a baseball bat? That's on you, not on the internet. And you know what else isn't on the internet? The fact that vigilante groups are now forming to target the clowns. You guys, France is about to have a full-on terrifying clown war on its hands and there is nothing we can do. Everyone in France has weapons and a taste for blood right now, except the police who released a statement warning that anyone who brings a weapon out in public (yeah, torches and pitchforks count) will be arrested, regardless of whether they are an "aggressive clown" or part of a group of "clown hunters." Instead, frightened citizens have been given a number to call in the case of any unusual clown behavior. (Which is all clown behavior, to be honest with you.) (Clowns are literally evil incarnate.) (Proof below:)

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Police are also asking people to stop spreading rumors online. The police have obviously grossly overestimated their power.


Only the weapons have been confirmed. The taste for blood is an assumption based on what I know about clowns.

Image via Shutterstock



We should have read the signs. We should have been more vigilant.