Victoria Beckham just wanted to buy her kids some toys, and it was an emergency, and also she was wearing some very painful shoes. Thus, it makes sense that she concluded that she was within her rights to use the parking space normally reserved for disabled store patrons, thus denying a woman with cystic fibrosis the spot. She's right, though. What disabled people need is a little encouragement. We should stop burdening them with our low expectations. Park on the other side of the parking lot, disabled people! You can walk all that way. Posh Spice believes in you! [Daily Mail]
Joan Rivers thinks Jennifer Aniston is boring. In response, Jennifer mournfully touched her hair and cried a single beige tear before eating half a tub of vanilla ice cream and, I don't know, looking thoughtfully at a still life of some fruit and then saying, "I like dogs and smiling." [Digital Spy]
Sir Elton John has named Lady Gaga his son's godmother. That baby is either going to grow up to be the most fabulously glittering stage master who ever grasped a bedazzled microphone or the world's most angry Republican accountant. [Daily Mail, o]
Kevin Costner isn't afraid of failure. Failure isn't afraid of him, either. [Digital Spy]
Cristiano Ronaldo has once again successfully impregnated someone. [Daily Mail]
Anne Hathaway wants to have kids by 2016, probably so she can take her 2016 baby to the World Cup in Rio de Janiero and show that infant the time of its life. [Showbiz Spy]
Beth Ditto once peed and puked herself on a night out. That's Ke$ha level shit, lady. You don't need that to be fabulous. [Digital Spy]
Justin Bieber's haircut was premeditated, which means he can be prosecuted as an adult for the first-degree murder of my hair tousling dreams. [Digital Spy]
Producers of the next Major League movie have doubts that Charlie Sheen will be able to successfully participate in the film without acting like a hooker punching coke gobbling social liability. If I were a producer of the next sequel to Major League,, I'd be more concerned that it was 2011, not 1986, and that perhaps the cultural moment for Major League movies has passed. [Perez]
David Beckham has some new ink, and for some reason, The Sun is still categorizing tattoos as "bizarre," despite the fact that getting a tattoo is now a rite of passage for white people, like going to Burning Man and backpacking across Europe to find yourself. [The Sun]
True Grit star Hailee Steinfeld was bullied at school, by a True Git. [Digital Spy]
Rihanna and Ciara got into a painfully uncreative fight on Twitter. To summarize: "Aggressive overtone!""Ha ha attempted condescension.""LOL whatever. I don't even care!""Let's be friends again.""Lol." Mental giants, these two. [Perez]
David Cross, who I'm beginning to think might be a bit of a bastard because he keeps saying things that make me profoundly sad as though he relishes it, has again voiced his doubts that an Arrested Development movie will happen. I'm going to walk away with my head hung low while a slow tempo Vince Guaraldi jazz piano piece plays. [MTV]
Kelsey Grammer's nine-year-old daughter skipped her father's fourth wedding to compete in a talent show. Kelsey Grammer's fourth wife is kind of already competing in a talent show, and that talent show is called "Who Can Put Up With Kelsey Grammer For The Longest?" The prize is a two page story in People magazine six months after the divorce is finalized. [Daily Mail]