So, the Sapphic exercise in squirm that is Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona has moved east, and last night premiered in the Apple at Cinema 123, sponsored, oddly, by A Diamond is Forever & The Sherry Council (I guess because sherry's Spanish?). And kids, it's bad. I feel almost...betrayed. Javier Bardem, channeling Guys and Dolls; Penelope Cruz, channeling Grizabella the Glamour Cat, and Nicole Miller, channeling Stella's garbage bag design from Project Runway. The Good, the Bad, and the Hefty, after the jump!

The Good:

Patricia Clarkson's been on such a roll lately!

When I read about the whole aggressive necklaces trend for fall I thought it sounded kind of contrived. But with something simple and elegant like Jennifer Missoni's? Sign me up.


Ditto the whole "Egyptian" trend. I mean, really? But the way Georgina "Mrs. Harvey Weinstein" Chapman works the Nefertiti collar with a babydoll? Looks fresh.
The Bad:


Penelope! What is this tattered flapper getup?! Say it ain't so!!!

I daresay Tara Subkoff's trompe l'oeil tux thingamabob is very whimsical.


Javier Bardem as Sky Masterson looks a little community theatre.

So yeah, does anyone remember when Stella made that dress out of garbage bags and everyone was like, "that's obviously just a garbage bag" ? Nicole Miller does!


There are like four things going on with Holly Dunlap's neckline, none of them good.


I guess I can see how in theory a gold lame tunic and black leggings could be awesome...wait, no, I can't, Eva da Cruz.

I just feel like when you're given breasts and made their guardian, it's kind of a sacred trust. Carla Gugino has broken that covenant.
The Ugly:


The pocket-happy Daisy Dukes were problematic when Britney started doing them ten years ago - indeed, it was one of the first indications she was going off her rocker. I don't know what Byrdie Bell's excuse is.

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