If you thought the constant wearing of Bluetooth headsets was bad, just wait until we all have vibrating tattoos. That totally sounds like a made up product that some company tries to sell you on April Fool's Day, but it's actually a real thing that Nokia just patented that will allow you to connect wirelessly to your phone (or other electronic device) and receive little vibrating alerts through your skin. Holy shit. The future is now—and the future is totally useless.
Seriously, we can all agree this is 110 percent unnecessary, right? Are we really so totally fucking lazy that we cannot be bothered to lift the phone up and look at it? Apparently, because Nokia seems to have invested considerable resources to invent a "material capable of detecting a magnetic field and transferring a perceivable stimulus to the skin, wherein the perceivable stimulus relates to the magnetic field." Basically it's a little square doohickey that attaches to your arm, stomach or fingernail. It will likely be able to, "be stamped, sprayed, attached with adhesive tape, applied as a decal or even drawn on." Fun. It will issue different kinds of vibrations to give you, including,
an alert of a message, indication of an incoming call, indication of a body part in proximity of the electronic device, indication of information displayed on the electronic device, indication of a launch of an application and indication of a least a portion of a displayed image.
If you're having trouble imagining a scenario in which this device would be useful (other than allowing you to rot to death on your bed while still maintaining some contact with the outside world), ABC News suggests it "could eliminate the stress of situations where phone ringing is frowned upon—church, theater, work—and the vibrate setting often leads to missed calls." An alternative would be to simply accept that if you go to the theater, you might miss a call. But that's just me and my crazy old-fashioned brain using words instead of vibrating my feelings directly into your brain. I'm sure the next generation of tech addicts who are now in utero will find a way to become totally reliant on this newly patented invention. Probably 25 years from now, people will be walking around with vibrating celtic knots on their biceps, pulsating butterfly tramp stamps, and quivering sets of Chinese characters on their ankles. And just think of all the fun we can have with vibrating nail art.
Image via Tribalium/Shutterstock.