An 18-year-old woman was arrested in South Carolina last week for shoplifting a number of essential items from a Spencer's at the local mall: Rock Hard erection cream, Deep Throat desensitizing spray, and a pair of handcuffs.

The Smoking Gun broke the story of Karla Farmer, who, according to a police report they obtained, took the Rock Hard and the Deep Throat from what Spencer's calls their "love unit." She left, but returned to the love unit only a few minutes later, where she grabbed the handcuffs and was immediately detained by store security.

When the police arrived, Farmer was in the less-fun kind of handcuffs; mall security said they'd cuffed her after she attempted to flee the scene and had fought with them. The police arrested Farmer for shoplifting and then took a look in her purse, where they also found two pairs of new Victoria's Secret underwear with the tags still on and what the police termed "a used brazier." (Close enough.) The officer took a look at the tag of the bra Farmer had on, and reported that it "seemed to be new," with a black string still dangling from it. She told the officer the "brazier" wasn't stolen, but was a gift from her boyfriend.

There are a number of issues to address here: is it really necessary to physically restrain an 18-year-old over the theft of some love unit items? Should police officers really be looking at the bra tags of 18-year-olds, or should they go ahead and probably not do that? Should teenagers be penalized for taking positive, proactive steps to improve their love lives? Do we really think Rock Hard erection cream actually does anything? (I'm not sure I buy these too-exuberant reviews from Spencer's online store: "This product was used to add more of an all night spark between me and my wife! She was surely satisfied and it felt good to rome out of the barrier every now and then!!!")

But the most pressing question: what kind of boyfriend doesn't shoplift his own damn erection cream? Or at least accompany his lady on her spray- and cream-boosting mission? The real crime here, in our eyes, is against love. (Also, shoplifting; Farmer was charged with three counts before she was released from custody.)

Mugshot from the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office via The Smoking Gun