Venomous Snake Missing From Bronx Zoo

Illustration for article titled Venomous Snake Missing From Bronx Zoo

A deadly Egyptian cobra has escaped from its cage (god, did I ever want to type "lair" right there. Snake houses should be called "lairs," right? It seems almost disrespectful to apply the term "cage," which is where a hamster or a rabbit lives, to where a deadly Egyptian cobra lives. But I digress) at the Bronx Zoo, prompting the Zoo's reptile house's closing until further notice.


Prevailing theories of the snake's fate include:
- Carmen Sandiego took him and now some kids on a PBS game show need to find him using logic, trivia, and an all-men's a cappella group
- It's in your toilet, right now
- He was spirited away by the ghost of Elizabeth Taylor, an inaccurate Cleopatra taking an inaccurate snake with her into the afterlife.

Seen leaving the scene was a man who looked a lot like Samuel L. Jackson, muttering something about being "tired of all these motherfucking snakes in all these motherfucking zoos."


Deadly Egyptian Cobra Missing from Bronx Zoo [CNN]

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When I lived in Tanzania, a spitting cobra staked part of our campsite as its territory. One of my friends had a close encounter when she found him coiled up in the peanut-butter-and-condom drawer.

(Cue many jokes about "safe sex," obviously.)

This is irrelevant except for the fact that: 1) cobras are cool, and 2) possibly territorial? I don't remember whether Egyptian cobras are, to be honest. However, that means if you do find him in your toilet, you should probably call the professionals rather than hope he goes away.