Valedictorian Says 'Hell' in Speech; School Clutches Pearls and Withholds Her Diploma

Illustration for article titled Valedictorian Says Hell in Speech; School Clutches Pearls and Withholds Her Diploma

A high school Valedictorian in Oklahoma says she uttered the word "hell" during her commencement address because she was taking inspiration from Twilight. But tipping one's hat to a poorly-written book saga about a boring whiner and the controlling undead sparkledick who loves her wasn't what got her in trouble — it was the fact that she said the H-E-double hockey sticks in front of the delicate ears of the townsfolk. And her school principal has decided that it's best they withhold her diploma until she apologizes.


Kaitlin Nootbaar graduated from Prague High School with a 4.0 GPA, a pocket full of dreams, and a mouth full of a single mild expletive that can totally be used in PG-rated movies. According to her father, Nootbaar had initially intended to say "heck," but that "hell" slipped out in a moment of spontaneity. From KFOR,\

Nootbaar says, "Her quote was, when she first started school she wanted to be a nurse, then a veterinarian and now that she was getting closer to graduation people would ask her what do you want to do and she said ‘How the h*** do I know? I've changed my mind so many times."


The audience responded by laughing, but her principal responded by turning gradually redder and redder until steam shot out of his hears, accompanied by the sound effect of an end-of-day whistle at a factory. When Nootbaar went to pick up her certificate, the principal explained that the school wouldn't release the actual certificate to Nootbaar until she wrote an apology letter to, I don't know, God, for mentioning the place where His best frenemy lives.

Nootbaar says she's not going to write the letter. Next step: high noon standoff.


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Erin Gloria Ryan

Lesson learned: don't hire this woman's relatives as school administrators.