Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

I once had a friend who would tell it like it is; if your ensemble was less than stylish, she'd say, "Girl, your ass looks wack." It wasn't about your derrière; it was about your duds.

Advertisement

Because wack is stoopid, ridiculous and avoidable. Yet wack is persistent. I heard my friend's voice in my mind while paging through a recent Urban Outfitters catalog.

Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?
Advertisement

Does this make my ass look wack? Well, you've fallen prey to the Anti-Pants Agenda and you look like the lovechild of Lady Gaga and Eustace Tilley. So yes. Your ass looks wack.

Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

Does this make my ass look wack? Do you have a yeasty, medical need to air out your crotch like that? Do you work in a discothèque in Aladdin's palace? No? Then: Yes. Your ass looks wack.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

Does this make my ass look wack? You were great in that one scene in A Passage To India, but stealing wardrobe from the set is a no-no. Your ass looks wack.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

Does this make my ass look wack? Are you an angel based on the hooker from Pretty Woman? Yes? Your ass looks wack.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

Does this make my ass look wack? Sorry, sweetie, all the sexyface in the world won't allow me to ignore the fact that you're wearing acid-wash looking jeans. You have a lovely figure. But… Your ass looks wack.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

Does this make my ass look wack? Let's see… Rebel without a cause from a little house on the prairie is saved by the bell? Your ass looks wack.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?

Does this make my ass look wack? Toplessness is soooo Fall 2008. Therefore you are out of style; therefore your ass looks wack.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?
Advertisement

Does this make my ass look wack? El. Oh. El.

Earlier: What Clothes? Urban Outfitters Presents Naked & Half-Naked Chicks
Fall At J. Crew: Romantic Ruffles, Destroyed Jeans, Hideous Shoes
5 Hideous Things Urban Outfitters Wants You To Wear This Summer
May Anthropologie Catalog: Totally Watered Down

Advertisement

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

Dodai, do you have any sense of what the ratio of fully-clothed to half/mostly-unclad models might be? Because judging from above, it seems like maybe 50/50 (the angel girl I can't make up my mind on).

This seems... inefficient to me.