*UPDATE: This could potentially be a fake Britney. And by potentially we mean "probs definitely." I love that "ersatz pathetic blond retarded embarrassment" is a viable occupation in this country. Fuck engineering school! The original item: Britney Spears may have disappeared to Maui, says a loyal tipster whose friend allegedly texted her frantically from the restaurant at which he served her brunch yesterday. Did she manage to run fugitive from the paps? "She hardly spoke and let her two big bodyguards handle everything. She ordered fruit and French toast — ate none of the former and all of the latter." Well that settles it. "She took four white pills with her OJ and they said it was her 'medicine.'" (A hundred bucks this is the alcohol dependency drug Campral, which is so effective because you have to take like nineteen pills a day and, like, forget to drink.) "She was wearing a flowy shirt and jean skirt and has a little pooch (whatever—I've been asked if I'm pregnant 7 times in my life since I was 17, haha weep.) She was sans enfants... " Oooooh gimme MORE!!
wait, wouldn't that be going the wrong way. wait, if she doesn't have a staff of helpers anymore and she booked her own travel (suspending disbelief about this being a false sighting) then you may have a point.
"i'm cuntry y'all i thought all beaches were, like, in the same place! OMG!"