Um, Police? I'm Calling To Report An Incident Of Boringness No Amount Of Tequila Can Solve...

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Sacramento, Calif. resident Sara White, 20, faked being kidnapped to get out of a blind date. From the looks of her (i.e. crazy) and the sound of her elaborate hoax (i.e. crazy) she seems like a person who ought to be scared to go on a blind internet date because she probably also sent a fake picture and the numbers "36-24-36" to her suitor before being sufficiently convinced he loved her for her "personality" to let him meet her "real" self in a local park, and anyone who would be lured in by that sort of person is probably a rapist in the first place. But: This isn't about Sara, this is about us, and the shameful things we do to get out of bad dates.


We once, for instance, were a third wheel on a bad date with our friend 'Marie' and a guy named Eric when we decided to invite our friend Ryan and his grad school buddy Stephen to join in the fun. "Stephen is cute," 'Marie' announced. "Really?" we asked. (We were too drunk to judge.) "Act like you're even drunker than you are so I have to take you home," she instructed, so we did, got rid of Eric, and circled back to the bar so 'Marie' and Stephen could talk. The next day, Marie announced that Stephen had given her "the best head of my entire life" and soon after, she married him. Wow, right? Well, a brief poll of friends yielded no stories quite like this one. While becoming incapacitated by alcohol is a proven way to get out of a bad date, the process of getting to that point, it seems, generally inures our friends to the date's fundamental badness — perhaps even removing said "badness" from the experience. In conclusion, Sacramento should really repeal all those open container laws.
Police: To Avoid Blind Date, Woman Fakes Abduction []



So, since I'm probably of the type that would cause a boring date (or not, because, yo, college and drunk!), I will pass along my mother's boring-date-escape experiences.

At some point (the 70's, I'm guessing?) she took to carrying a wig in her purse and would go to the bathroom, put on the wig, turn her coat inside out, and walk out. Which makes her seem so much cooler and also makes me wish I knew her then. Kind of.

And while this is not exactly her extracting herself from a boring date as much as an awkward situation, she was once dating two guys, and they both showed up at her house at the same time. Her solution was to jump out of the bathroom window and go to a neighbor's house, leaving them to deal with it themselves.

Now she watches QVC and has begun acquiring cats.