Ultimate No-Nonsense Senior Citizens Apprehend Alleged Mugger

Illustration for article titled Ultimate No-Nonsense Senior Citizens Apprehend Alleged Mugger

Here is the best headline you'll read today: "Robber foiled by spry senior-citizen sprinter and 70-year-old woman threatening genital discomfort with her 'hiking stick.'" It only gets better from there!

The story comes from the National Post. The details: A ruffian followed an 82-year-old into a Toronto Community Housing building and allegedly demanded money. When she refused, he snatched her purse, attempted to steal the wedding ring right off her finger and bolted.

Rather than let him escape, 70-year-old neighbor Chin-Hua Chen—a dedicated runner—gave chase. When the alleged offender tripped over a homeless person camped out in the staircase (?!), Mr. Chen caught him by the jacket. The pair "exchanged punches," until two more residents, including 70-year-old Janie Harris, showed up. And she put a stop to the shenanigans right quick:

Mrs. Harris, who is also 70, said she reached over and put the business end of her cane "at his crotch and said, 'stay still.'"

"[I] didn't push it into him," but held it against his genitals knowing that if he moved, he would get hurt and that was his own doing. "That's an ice pick," said Mrs. Harris. "I'm sure it would sting."


"After that the seniors were able to trap the man in his own sweater until Toronto police arrived to take him away," the Post adds. Betrayed by his own sweater—crime truly does not pay.

Unfortunately, it's partly circumstances that've made Mr. Chen and Ms. Harris so tough. (And of course, DISCLAIMER, it's generally considered safer not to chase after a robber, unless you're Crocodile Dundee or something.) They're actually used to dealing with intruders, who regularly wander in off the street:

"We're just so tired of throwing them out," Mrs. Harris said.

Indeed, during a 90-minute visit by the National Post Wednesday afternoon, she had to chase away a drunk man she said she runs into all the time, and chose to ignore two more unknown people for fear of what they might do.

Their building needs a security guard or at least some harsher we-will-catch-you-on-camera signage. But honestly? Any crook who dares tangle with these two is clearly a damn fool. They ought to teach practical self-defense classes.

Photo via Shutterstock.

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The next time any of my male friends get uppity, shall I just threaten "genital discomfort"? Yes, I think I shall.