When in need of a thoughtful critique on gender and the media, there's really no better person to ask than Two and a Half Men creator and noted feminist scholar Lee Aronsohn. When recently asked about the rise of female-centric comedies like 2 Broke Girls and Whitney, Aronsohn turned out this little gem of a soundbite:
We are approaching peak vagina on television, the point of labia saturation.
What an insightful, inoffensive and coherent sentence. Labia saturation? "Definitely a thing," says science. And peak vagina! We are getting so uppity with our pussies that they've turned mountainous. Mount KILL-A-MAN-jaro! Rocky Puntang High! The Appalachian Why-Don't-You-Just-Grow-A-Dick-Already Trail!
Stop it! Just stop it with your peaking vaginas! Sit on a sander if you have to, because the minute your vag becomes anything more than a grassy knoll, you are in danger of offending the delicate sensibilities of Aronsohn who, as we all know, has been the sole defender of the male perspective on television since Two and a Half Men premiered in 2003. Do you remember what the world was like before then? How many privileges do you take for granted now that our forefathers Jon Cryer and Charlie Sheen put themselves on the line for? Do you even know what was sacrificed so that you could use that #winning hashtag without judgment or fear? As the well-known saying goes, misogyny is the radical notion that men are people, so, please, let Aronsohn be a person unbothered by pesky things like our basic thoughts and senses of humor.
Here's what he had to say about our big dumb lady "jokes":
Enough, ladies. I get it. You have your periods.
HAHAHA. LOLOLOL. Shut up about your fucking period already, says the human wank stain that's bravely been giving a comedic outlet to the poor disenfranchised white man for the past nine years. We should be making jokes about the size of our tits, which, by the way, we can peak all we want. DROOOOOL HUBBA HUBBA. Or gay people. Really, it doesn't matter what we talk about just as long as it's accessible by average, gross white dudes and has nothing to do with our actual emotional and physical lives.
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And come on, girls — sister to sister — don't you think it's time that we release our vaginal death grip on pop culture? We've had our time in the sun (I mean Whitney is as good as it's going to get), so let's reign it in, step out of the writers room, maybe open a cupcakery or some other bullshit and give Aronsohn a chance to shine, because shine he will, that beautiful mother fucking diamond.
For those of you getting your panties in a twist over this, first of all, relax, baby! You look so much cuter when you smile. Aronsohn has sort of apologized for the whole labia saturation/period comments via Twitter:
Yes, yes - it was a stupid joke. I'm sorry.
See, you dumb, whiny bitches? That's how a joke is made. Take a backseat and let the funny men do their job because clearly they're experts.
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Image via Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images.