TSA Won't Even Let You Fly with Skulls in Your Bag Anymore

Will the TSA ever stop being such a goddamn pain in the neck? Yeah — there are issues of national security here and no one should be able to walk onto a plane carrying whatever they please, but, honestly, the Transportation Security Administration spends more time making passengers take off their shoes and confiscating human skulls out of people’s bags than they do stopping actual flight risks. Is a country where two ladies can’t pass through airport security with a couple of noggins in their purses really a country you want to call home? If you live in the U.S., then it already is.

Two women en route to Baltimore via Ft. Lauderdale were recently stopped by airport officials when screeners detected what looked like human skull fragments and teeth inside of their luggage. According to the Broward Sheriff’s Office, TSA agents then discovered that yes, those really were pieces of skull that had been hidden inside wrapped ceramic pottery filled with rocks and dirt.

Forgetting that you put your skull fragments in your luggage is embarrassing, sure, but last time I went through airport security, I totally forgot to take my belt off and the TSA agent had to be all, “Excuse me, is that metal?” and I had to walk all the way back to the x-ray machine and make a big show of taking my belt off and handing it off to someone. What I’m saying is that basically, we’ve all been there, but not all of us have had as good of an excuse as these two unnamed skull carriers who told security officials that they had bought the pottery in Cuba two days prior as a means of warding off evil spirits from their homes.

Annoying fact — this excuse basically only works when smuggling human body parts and probably won’t work for you, very specific man who I saw trying to bring a gallon of milk onto an airplane at Chicago O’Hare. But, by all means, give it a try.