Kathie Lee Gifford's original musical comedy Today: The Musical premiered today on NBC, and holy god am I glad my job doesn't require me to literally dance to the whims of a drunk talking head.

The 14-minute production makes not one iota of sense, and includes, in no particular order: lactation jokes, Matt Lauer in boxers, people trying and failing to talk in unison, Regis Philbin singing encouragingly to a young vest-wearing employee ("Sal, our props guy")... I can't with this. Kathie Lee, it's not cute to poke fun at yourself when you make your lowly wage slaves do it for you!

Watch it in full below.

Image via Today