The queen and Cruachan IV during an earlier meeting
Image: Getty

A thought exercise I often enjoy is considering which of life’s unpleasantries can be escaped by occupying a high enough rung on the socioeconomic ladder. I think about this most often with regard to the Royal Family, a set of people who from birth have been treated to the highest quality of everything, from breakfast eggs to insoles. Which makes me wonder: Is this Shetland pony taking a shit in the presence of Queen Elizabeth as she arrives at Balmoral Castle in Scotland the most unfortunate thing that’s happened to her this week?*

I’m going to go with no, since Queen Elizabeth is 92, and even though she has the skin of an unused foundation sponge, being 92 seems like a major drag, modern medicine be damned. Still, the toxic poop event is noxious enough to make her cover her nose, and to make a guard laugh. Huh. I thought they got tossed in the Iron maiden for that! Times have changed.

A bit about the misbehaving horselet: His name is Cruachan IV, he’s the mascot the Royal Regiment of Scotland, and his other recent hijinks include trying to eat the queen’s flowers last year, and also trying to eat Prince Harry. He’s only three, so I’m sure he has a lifetime of roguish behavior ahead of him. What will he/his bowels think of next??

*I love that the official Royal Family Twitter could easily have selected a photo not prominently featuring a pile of pony droppings, but where’s the fun in that?