This Swimsuit Will Sear Your Eyes Off With the Heat of 1,000 Dying Suns

Illustration for article titled This Swimsuit Will Sear Your Eyes Off With the Heat of 1,000 Dying Suns

Here are all the relevant tags before you move forward: WTF, NSFW, NSFL, NSFYE, get the picture. Or you're about to, because Bobby Norris of The Only Way Is Essex is about to introduce you to the tiniest swimsuit in the world. Yes, even tinier than this one. (Also NSFL.)


While many commenters were able to recognize the hotness that was Norris' last swimsuit (the mini-speedo; even I came around) (but, like, that's not a euphemism) I doubt that any of you will be able to stand and cast the first boner for this monstrosity that looks like someone just painfully stuck a cone of aluminum foil on Norris' member. I can actually hear the foil rustling, you guys. Maybe I'm just jealous of his slammin' bammin' bootylicious bikini bod, but I think it's more than that. This bikini is horrifying, right? There's no way he is wearing this for anything but the show. Even Koala Swim (NSFW! NSFW!), the maker of the world's tiniest bikinis (but not this one), agrees that some of their suits are more decorative than functional. There's no way that you could swim in that. None.

I'm done. I am going to go put on my bathing suit, which I bought on clearance at Target, put a croissant in each pocket and then just sit here and watch Dog With a Blog angrily. Thanks, Bobby Norris. Thanks a lot.

Images via Twitter



Since you mentioned Koala Swim and I didn't know what that was, I had to google that (naturally) but I really, really need for someone to explain me this. Is it just me or something is missing here?