This Milk Commercial Is the Most Pornographic Jizz-Fest I've Ever Seen

So, I was just bopping through my typical morning routine today, hate-reading the Daily Mail and watching Corey Feldman interviews on YouTube (yikes, don’t hold back, Wendy Williams!), when an auto-play pop-up ad overwhelmed my screen. It was a commercial for milk—part of their new campaign, “Milk Life”—encouraging viewers to fuel their activities with the power of milk.

Now, as an avowed fan of milk, do-er of activities, and disliker of osteoarthritis, I was intrigued. Tell me more about living this “Milk Life,” advertisement!

Ohhhhhhh, yeah, you know what? I think I saw another Milk Life commercial, um…somewhere…on the internet the other day. I’m pretty sure it was the Japanese version, though. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but they were definitely all about that milk life.

😐

WHAT I’M SAYING IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THESE PEOPLE ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT BASKETBALL AND DOG-WALKING THAT THEY LITERALLY EXPLODE INTO WATERFALLS OF HOT JISM.

And then at the end some of the jism sprays into a glass AND A GIRL DRINKS IT.

And then the voiceover lit’rally says, “This is what eight grams of protein looks like.”

This.

Is.

What.

Eight.

Grams.

Of.

Protein.

Looks.

Like.

I mean, was this ad conceived of, written, filmed, acted in, narrated, scored, edited, and distributed by one person? Because there is NO CONCEIVABLE WAY that it could get past a committee of TWO without someone noticing the fact that this is a commercial about massive amounts of ejaculate coating an unsuspecting neighborhood like a fucking firehose.

“Milk Life.”