This just in from the newest addition to our BlackBerry contacts, in approximately nineteen out-of-order installments we had to piece together to add to the MYSTERY: "Lots of misquotes and the joke about my being dr dolittle little and incapable of reducing where people are from (remember 212 i was was Chicago tho I also told u was in NYC) was the joke of it all which seemed to go overlooked haa. Wow commentS show people take things so seriously like when Lovedrop made jokes like so are you hot as if he was socialized enough to know exactly what he was saying. Fun break from the norm. Cheers. Nap time with my playboy model before pitch two. First one was fun."

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sex-and-the-gentrified-popula-old
Sex and the Gentrified Populace

For years I've been dreaming of holding a douche-bag contest, but I've always been concerned that the person who would win the title just wouldn't wear it nearly well enough... Then we met Mystery. Never have I been exposed to a person that literally, by virtue of their mere existence, writes the jokes that best describes his lot in life. If this guy weren't such a pathetic joke, we may even wonder as to the whereabouts surrounding that ridiculous hat he wears, and even more so, his absurd sense of himself. If it came to exceptions justifying the rule, Charles Darwin would be staring down the barrel of a .45... Please, for the sake of your self, your family, and all the losers that would even conceivably relate to an unemployed magician with a Narnian-Level misconception of their place in the world... Just go away. And please, make it indiscreet. The secondary embarrassment you cause is enough to make me want write Neil Strauss off quicker than you, and frankly, he doesn't deserve the implied association seeing as how he actually has talent. "You make me sick", and I only put that in quotes so you won't take it TOO personally, but I genuinely mean it and hope that you choke on one of the fish that has probably just recently died within the heal of your boot. Disco Stu makes you look like a maven. VH1 Makes you look like the chump your unfortunate parents gave birth to. You pathetic soul... If we're lucky and the payroll department realizes your worth, it'll be crushed velvet for dinner and humble pie for desert. Fucking loser... and PLEASE, stop contributing to this guys popularity. we get it. He's a loser. Stop publishing his nonsense. Yours truly... Mystery's Mom who even thinks this guy should have drank motor oil at least ten years ago...