'Security Moms' on Fox News: We Shouldn't Talk About Russia Because 'Families' Don't Care

Screenshot via Fox News
Screenshot via Fox News

Fox News, the channel playing in a marble-and-gold bathroom while the president enjoys a six-hour bowel movement, has an interesting challenge ahead of them: how do they cover reports of the Trump campaign’s contacts with Russia? How do they pretend like it doesn’t matter? Enter The Security Moms, who care very much about keeping the country safe, but do not want to talk about that Russia business, and don’t think you should either.


After eight years of lightly accusing President Obama of being a Manchurian Kenyan bringing the country down from the inside, Fox now has to rededicate itself to defending the White House no matter what it’s implicated in. And what a time to do it, given Michael Flynn’s resignation last month after lying about his contacts with Russia, and given that the CIA believes that Russia interfered in the US elections to help Trump win. On Monday, FBI Director James Comey is set to testify before the House Intelligence Committee, where he’ll face questions on whether he believes there was any collusion between Trump’s campaign and Kremlin officials.

So now seems like a good time to produce The Moms, who appeared very early Monday on Fox and Friends with this fun chyron:

(Please also note, if you would, that Fox is running a countdown clock, not to the Comey hearing, but to the rally that Trump is holding in Kentucky, because campaign rallies are the only thing he truly loves.)

The Security Moms are both a regular Fox News segment and an archetype that tends to pop up during elections: women who loves their families in a particular way that translates into endless military intervention and, as one lady on the panel put it brightly, “deporting illegals.” It does not involve that Russia stuff, and shame on you for asking.

“Why is the mainstream media harping on the Russia story?” asked Fox and Friends’ current blonde host, incredulously.

“Basically because it’s a way for them to undermine President Trump’s presidency,” one of the moms, Beth Parlato, explained serenely. (Parlato is also an attorney focusing on family law.) “They want to infer that he shouldn’t have won and he’s not their president. So they want to keep their story going. And personally I think the left needs to stop their whining. We all know that cybersecurity is an issue. It’s a fact that the DNC was hacked by Russia. so why doesn’t the left get onboard with President Trump and his administration and let’s work on —it’s a nonpartisan issue, the national security.”


“Let me just ask: are any of you concerned that President Trump, his campaign colluded with Russia to get elected?” the host asked.

“No,” they all responded in unison.

“Put the narrative aside,” added one of the moms, Deborah Antignano. “Report real news, do away with the fake news.”


“I’m concerned about national security” added Josey Kakaty, another mom who is of Syrian descent but—surprise—supports a ban on Syrian refugees. But not the kind of national security that involves discussing, even for a moment, the sitting president’s extraordinarily weird relationship with a foreign government that did everything they could to help put him in power.


The full segment is here, and it is a delight.

Anna Merlan was a Senior Reporter at G/O Media until September 2019. She's the author of Republic of Lies: American Conspiracy Theorists and Their Surprising Rise to Power.


The Noble Renard

This is yet another reminder that having a child does not suddenly make you an expert on literally anything, and that the act of birth is something that literally billions upon billions of people around the world, both very smart and incredibly fucking dumb, have done throughout millenia.

Being a mom entitles you to an opinion on your children, and even then, not even that much, since the bare fact of having birthed little Johnny doesn’t make you an expert on whether or not he needs to get vaccinated or whether it’s medically appropriate to feed him only Cheetos and ramen because “he’s such a picky eater and he doesn’t react well to vegetables.”

Also, that there are certain classes of people who would happily murder entire busloads of other humans simply to prevent their child from a .1% chance of injury caused by “strangers” (but then happily text and drive on the way to soccer practice because, you know, they’re good drivers, damn it).

/this rant brought to you by Mondays. Mondays! Making everything so oh goddamn it fine I guess I’ll get work done.