This Is What Happens When You Put Ecstasy in Your Vagina

Eight intrepid women once gathered together for a slumber party during which they gabbed about their moon signs, ate chocolate, and shoved a ton of hallucinogenic drugs up their vaginas. They summarized their experiences in a report called “Cunt Odyssey: Search for Vaginal Datapoints.” Read on if you’ve ever wondered what would happen if you dosed your ladyflower.

This “Cunt Odyssey” essay — found on Erowid, that online drug library your freshman year burner dormmate consulted more often than Wikipedia — is from 2003. All we know about these magical adventurers is that they ranged in age from 24-42, knew each other fairly well before vag-tripping together, and a few had previously thrown sleepover parties that involved “making a comfy nest in the living room, chatting a bit, sharing information about what psychoactives we’ve brought to share, and then deciding what to take based on what’s available and what we’re feeling like.”

The “Cunt Odyssey” was supposed to be LSD-themed, but as the night unfolded some women also took 2C-B, ketamine, and MDMA in veggie capsules. One just took Xanax and selflessly served as scribe. The group limited itself to conservative amounts of drugs because of “one story a participant had heard of adverse reactions (i.e. heart attack) from women whose partners had put cocaine on their cocks before intercourse, as well as experiences of rectal administration.” If you’re going to get your vagina high, you should definitely do so thoughtfully and with the uttermost respect.

Before the women tripped, they “noted age, weight, medications, point in the menstrual cycle, and astrological info (sun/moon/ascendant. hey why not).” Why not, indeed! Also: “Chocolate was ingested by the majority of the participants prior to administration. A small altar was set up with objects of personal significance. Note: the LSD blotter imprint was ‘condoms.’ the irony was not lost on us.”

Disappointingly, none of the women had notably strong trips; it turns out that if you want to hallucinate that the sky is an Etch A Sketch/have the most amaaaaaazing back-scratch experience ever/cry about your dead hamster for hours while simultaneously convinced that the magnets on your fridge are watching you, you should swallow your drugs instead. “Consensus seemed that this was not an efficient way of dosing, and that for any future experiments, compounds should be in solution or in some cream form for better dispersion,” the participants mused.

They sure did try, though, even amidst “general restlessness about ‘not feeling very high.'” At one point, one woman’s husband was invited over to deliver “the nitrous oxide delivery device [whipped cream canister]” and momentarily joined in the fun:

He is offered a cartridge of nitrous to enjoy before returning home, and is treated to a pleasant way to augment nitrous oxide inhalation that was refined at a previous slumber party. The person inhaling sits on the floor with all the others in a circle around them. After inhalation, the circle of people make soft strange noises and whisper affirmations and nice things around the person in the middle, moving around to change the location of the sounds and create air movement, generally weaving a sonic web around them. This is a gourmet version of saying ‘wa wa wa’ to someone on nitrous. After this, the husband promptly left.

Eventually, the scribe was like “fuck it” and swallowed some GHB and took a few bumps of ketamine, prompting others to forget about the original plan. According to the report, the tone of the gathering changed from “linear and intellectual” to “a social ketamine trip.”

But before that, some very scientific sample reactions:

MJ: 33 y.o., 132 lbs., meds: acid blocker, anti-inflammatory (one steroidal), asthma meds, birth control;
Aquarius, Pisces, Libra.
She took 1 hit of blotter acid vag, followed by 50 mg MDMA vag. at T+0:25 and a hit of blotter acid at T+1:00.
After 25 min., she is burping which is normally an alert associated with nausea, but there’s no nausea this time. After 35 min. she’s having a little trouble with linear speech. After 1 hour she is feeling “off baseline”. Shortly after that she checks and comments “cunt smells sweeter, and tastes like E.” At T1:20 she takes 60 more mg MDMA vaginally, and at T2:30 announces she’s “off baseline.”

DC: 42 y.o., 127 lbs., meds: birth control pills, menstruating and has a yeast infection, Leo, Aries, Sagitarius.
She took 1 hit of blotter acid vag., then another after one hour. At T+2:30, “Well I say, I’m not going to get high tonight.”

DL: 24 y.o., 130 lbs., no meds, ovulating. Taurus, Taurus, Virgo
She took 10 mg 2C-B vag. [normal oral dose is 17 mg]
After 10 minutes, feeling “fluttery,” “I’m feeling high.” After 40 minutes, “cunt feels hot” followed by “I’m high” and “feeling it in my body, it’s not in my head.” After 2 hours, “Not really feeling high. Would be feeling this dose more if it were oral.”

HOWEVER. One woman (Sagittarius, Cancer, Capricorn) who took 1 hit of blotter acid vag, followed by 50 mg MDMA vag. at T+0:25 and a hit of blotter acid at T+1:00, had quite the delayed reaction.

The next morning after waking up, she noted that her “cunt smells sweet,” and then had sex with her husband which “potentiated the MDMA that she hadn’t really fully felt the night before!”

So one fun sex trick you can do (Cosmo, are you listening?) is put MDMA in your vagina and then have sex ~24 hours later.

While the women were high(ish), they discussed “different ways we could experiment with this method of administration, what we can research about women and psychoactives (history, existing data on pharmacology), women’s circles and group tripping, issues related to families, and how there is a lack of visible psychedelic mentors for women.” They also planned a future experiment, “perhaps with liquid cactus extract.” The next morning, breakfast was followed by a “group hug to seal in the fun, trust, spirit of experimentation and camaraderie.”

Who are these women and how do we track them down and make them our spirit guides/best friends?