This Hotel Offers a Very Special 'Million Dollar Wedding' Package

Would you like to throw a million-dollar wedding without making more than a handful of decisions? Want the cachet of a hilariously overpriced bridal blow-out, but hoping to expend as little effort as possible? Boy, does the W South Beach have a deal for you and your spouse-to-be—the couple TRULY dedicated to their Great Gatsby theme.

ABC News points to a very special package currently available on the hotel’s website: the Million Dollar Wedding. “Our wedding specialists have expertly crafted every detail from ‘Will you?’ to ‘I do’ to create the ultimate in wedding extravagance.” And what does that constitute? I’m so glad you asked.

Let’s start with pre-wedding prep. Presumably, if you are the type of person who can shoulder a million-dollar wedding bill, you’ve got the kind of job where you can take the entire week of his wedding off without any managerial pushback. So you’ll want to plan for some relaxation to prepare:

Not sure whether you can bring your own yacht if you prefer? You’d have to check with your dedicated wedding planner. (Also included.)

You’ll receive a host of spa services at Bliss as well as all the attire you’ll need, right down to the designer cufflinks. (Designer is specified.) Sundries on the big day include his-and-hers personal butlers, a sunset beach shoot, a wedding cake for up to 175 guests (seems small tbh), “Jazz-saxophone player OR flamenco guitarist during cocktail hour (one-hour),” bathroom attendants and a night in the penthouse suite. Oh, and six nights at the Bora Bora St. Regis.

What, no custom fireworks show? No tiny tins of caviar as favors for guests?

I always assumed the fun of spending enormous sums of money must lie in making all the decisions on individual line items. For that kind of cash, I want to audition 25 different bakers for the right to craft my 15-tier cake. But then, what would I know about throwing a million-dollar wedding?