This $500 Billion Lawsuit Against Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman Is Inspiring

This college admissions cheating scandal just took a turn for the very unexpected because Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman are getting sued for (RuPaul voice) FIVE HUNDRED BILLION DOOOOOLAHHHS!

Jennifer Kay Toy, a mother and former Oakland teacher, filed a lawsuit on behalf of her son, Joshua Toy, who Jennifer says was unfairly rejected from the colleges he applied to, because their admissions offices were allegedly fielding applications from (again, alleged) cheaters like Loughlin and Huffman’s children. E! Online has a copy of the lawsuit, and it states:

“Joshua and I believed that he’d had a fair chance just like all the other applicants but did not make the cut for some undisclosed reason.”

“I’m now outraged and hurt because I feel that my son, my only child, was denied access to a college not because he failed to work and study hard enough but because wealthy individuals felt that it was ok to lie, cheat, steal and bribe their children’s way into a good college.”

The alleged wrongdoing and bribery on behalf of Loughlin, Huffman, and other parents involved in the college admissions scandal reveals an ugly truth about the college admission process in the United States: those admissions offices are basically like black boxes. You don’t ever really know why you’re accepted one place and not another, especially if you’re a competitive candidate. (The fact that you should “compete” to get a higher education, though, is patently fucked up, no matter how deeply ingrained it is in American society.) Money certainly helps.

Which is why, I guess, Toy is asking for (checks notes) half a trillion dollars in damages? (Raises glasses) AT LEAST? I guess those rich celebrities probably have it, if you pooled all their money together. One thing’s for sure—Jennifer is not the first and I’m sure she won’t be the last person who feels slighted by this process and wants to be compensated for their loss.