Things To Beware Of On The Ides Of March

Beware, you guys, for the Ides of March has come. And while the soothsayer’s warning failed to save Caesar from his fate, perhaps we can save each other from lesser dangers on this treacherous day.

Dog poop and/or chewing gum on city streets
Socks with sandals
That singing Filet-O-Fish commercial
Hail Caesar starring Anthony Michael Hall
Your friend who yells “SPOILER ALERT!” and gets pissed when you discuss a show that aired three years ago because she hasn’t seen it yet
The Broodwich
Watching Back to the Future Part II without watching the first movie
Acid washed jeans
Accidentally ending up at a “We Love Elisabeth Hasselbeck” rally
Unfrosted Pop-Tarts
A date with anyone who has appeared on a VH1 Reality Show
The No-Pants Plague
Not Googling it before asking “Who Is This Person And Why Should I Care?
Googling things to determine whether or not you should care about them
Not smiling with your eyes in Tyra’s presence
Getting on Judge Judy’s bad side
Benjamin Linus
Napping
Jumpsuits
Pissing Carrie off at the prom
Confessions Of A Shopaholic
Forgetting that it’s not a democracy, it’s a cheerocracy
Giving someone your heart and having them give you a pen
Maneaters
Death Eaters
Michael and Dina Lohan
Going up against a Sicilian when death is on the line
The bewitching power of Lisa Frank
The Trunchbull
Smiling at crocodiles
Ouiser Boudreaux
People named Brutus or Brut cologne
Unemployment
Criss Angel
Taking a ride on the Rock of Love Bus
Celine Dion’s cover of “You Shook Me All Night Long”
Friendahol
Purple Monkey Dishwashers
Pat Fucking Benatar
Evil Twins
Falling for The Leader of the Pack
Bratz
Strutz
Kellie Martin in 95% of her Lifetime movie roles
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Listicles