You married a child-molester who ran off with your best friend, and then your dog got run over and you lost a leg in a tragic chainsaw-related accident, and all your family got cancer, but then you found the face of Jesus in a tub of cream cheese. Oh, and you weigh 600lbs. And of course, you want to sell your story so that you can be a little bit famous for just a moment, because somehow that will make it all better.
We know how you can. Find out, after the jump.
Just head on over to The Front Page Agency. Don't believe that YOU can make loads of cash selling your misfortune to the world? Think again.
Here's Amanda. She got her menopause at age 11!
"Dear all, I would just like to thank Front Page for all the publicity they have given me by printing my story in the Daily Mirror earlier this month. Less than a week later I appeared on the Lorraine Kelly show on GMTV, I have also been asked to appear on Anglia Television next month."
Good for you Amanda! Sure hope that makes up for your loss of reproductive ability!
And how about Jillian?
"I would like to thank you for your time and patience and for selling my story. I was feeling pretty low when my daughter came up with the idea to submit my story. It is the best thing I have ever done. I was ashamed that my marriage had broke up, now people know it wasn't my fault and instead of feeling low I now feel great and I am no longer ashamed but my ex husband is."
Haha. Silly old husband. This is better than therapy!
Hush. Here's Amanda number two. Poor love:
"The Front Page News Agency has done tremendous work in selling my story about my cyst the size of three footballs, to top magazines."
Holy cow! That's one hell of a cyst. It'll be a shame if you die, but hell, you'll die a minor celebrity. To everyone in your trailer park.