They Shoot Wedding Guests, Don't They?

Illustration for article titled They Shoot Wedding Guests, Don't They?

Poor bride-to-be Beth! The habitue's fiance's best man's girlfriend is a lush. And not in a fun, endearing kinda way. Nope, the best man's best girl is one of those mean, assaultive, violent drunks... the one whose drinking is the least of her problems because you know she's totally also popping pills when no one's looking! Anyway, not sure what to do about this most unwanted guest, Beth turned to the anonymous sisterhood cesspool that is TheKnot's "Planning & Etiquette" message board. And what did her fellow almost-weds suggest she do with the unruly girlfriend? Corporal punishment, of course!


Beth writes:

Just wanted to get opinions on this one, because it's something we've been struggling with...

Our best man's girlfriend is known for her atrocious behavior when out socially. All of FI's friends and their SOs can't stand going out with them because her behavior is so embarrassing to everyone around her. At the various weddings we have been to with her she has knocked a statute over into her face and bled everywhere, fell down drunk and knocked out her teeth and bled everywhere, hit on a groomsman's father (complete with inappropriate touching) in front of said groomsman's mother, gotten KICKED outfor being unable to stand for more than 5 seconds at a time, etc.

Obviously, lots of people (including our friends) get drunk at weddings, but all of our friends can act appropriately and have a good time. This is not the kind of person that I want at my wedding, but we can't not invite her, as she is the best man's GF of 2+ years, so I'm stuck with her.

So my question to you all is this: is it better to have the BP dates all sit at the head table, where he can keep an eye on her, even though I don't want to be around her, or is it better for her to be as far away from me as possible, even though it will mean she will be left unsupervised?

I know this sounds really mean, but this girl is truly miserable. She also hates me, so I am particularly concerned that she will act like an a$$ just to act like an a$$.

And the girls say:

I'm not even going to read the post. The correct answer (based solely on the title) is: tranquilizer gun. Spend a week doing target practice and you'll be ready to roll.


Um...why not tell best man that his girlfriend better not *** up your wedding and that he better watch her and keep an eye on her. Why would you want to spend your whole entire wedding reception staring at anything but your new husband?



You'll most likely have to hire security for the night. Have someone point her out to the officer and tell him to keep an eye on her. If she becomes belligerent, have her escorted out. Let her b/f take care of her from there.



I would not have her on front stage as she'll probably fall off. She'll manage to make a scene and be center of attention at some point anyway. Watering down her drinks won't help cause she probably carries her own stash and takes pills as well. You'll be lucky if she gets smashed and passes out early. Hopefully the best man has the presence of mind to realize this and "handle" her which he apparently likes doing. If not I would question his judgment and his appropriateness as a friend.


Yeah, that's the spirit! Let this chick fall on her face drunk, shoot her when she's down, and have her escorted away from the premises by the cops. Nothing starts off a lifetime of connubial bliss quite like takin' a bitch down.
Planning & Etiquette [TheKnot]



Am I the only one who thinks this girl sounds like fun? I say lay out the welcome mat and ask her to bring friends along. It's not a party until someone hits on the groom's father (complete with inappropriate touching).