They Keep Having Trends and I Just Keep Buying Flannel

Every week, it seems, fashion is trying to foist some trend upon us.

The latest: Fendi is reissuing its iconic baguette bag, those goofy little rectangles once prominently featured on Sex and the City. This is the latest instance of a trend within a trend: revivals of previous trends. People have been wandering around wearing those tiny Matrix glasses for nigh on two years now. We’ve done ’80s high-rise swimsuits, clear shoes, scrunchies, dad sneakers, big fashion bows, and just the 1990s, generally.

Those are the higher-end trends, the sort of thing that Vogue covers when they appear on the Hadids. There are also the trends for the rest of us, like these goddamn tops, with their aggressive shoulder cut-outs and ruffles on ruffles on ruffles.

These trends are frequently greeted with wailing and gnashing of teeth, even at our own website.

Fascinating, I think, as I close the tab and click over to my shopping cart at LLBean.com to decide whether I’m going to pull the trigger on another flannel hoodie. (Did you know they make flannel hoodies? Well, they do! They’re really comfortable and the fit is very relaxed around the waist.) That’s because they can make tiny glasses the hottest thing going, but I don’t care! I just really, really don’t care. I’m thrilled for everyone who does care, don’t get me wrong, and I don’t judge you for caring. It’s simply that I’ve reached the point in my life where I must ration my willingness to give a crap about things, and brief trends have not made the cut. By the time tiny glasses fall out of fashion, my new flannel shirt will be washed to the perfect state of softness.

While I probably do look like I am attempting some sort of ’90s grunge revival look, I am just really, really comfortable.

Sure, flannel being a trend in the first place is what led me down this path. It’s just that now that I’m here, I’ve built a very cozy life for myself, and when the march of trends moves on, I will stay, swathed in the finest buffalo-check plaid I can find at the local Tractor Supply, if necessary. In fact, nothing would please me more! My heart thrills to a Tractor Supply, and will continue to do so long after Brooklyn has moved on from Carhartt!

There will always be flannel available, somewhere. Did you know that Woman Within, an old catalog brand, actually has classic flannel shirts that are sufficiently generously sized, and this winter I was finally able to score an oversized flannel shirt that I can actually put in the dryer without worrying it will become too tight? It’s true! While I probably do look like I am attempting some sort of ’90s grunge revival look, I am just really, really comfortable.

There’s always the risk that some of these trends will have such far-reaching implications that I will be forced to care, because it will totally replace what is available for purchase. For instance: the threat of the reemergence of low-rise jeans, which has inspired much wailing and gnashing of teeth because none of us want to go back to hiking up our pants every 20 minutes like we did in high school. However, I am confident that America has so totally embraced athleisure that I will always be able to purchase some sort of plain black leggings that I can wear underneath the flannel.