There's A Crimson Tide At Jezebel HQ

Illustration for article titled Theres A Crimson Tide At Jezebel HQ
Illustration for article titled Theres A Crimson Tide At Jezebel HQ

Moeisaboysname: what is Lock talking to you about
annawinsatskeeball: he just said "how goes it"?
annawinsatskeeball: and i'm like 'uh, i have my period and moe and i are IM'ing about it'
annawinsatskeeball: HAHA
Moeisaboysname: all right so suffice it to say it has been an eventful week for my snatch
Moeisaboysname: which is not to say i have had any sex this week
Moeisaboysname: only that it has had just about every non sexually transmitted malady
annawinsatskeeball: herpes?
Moeisaboysname: and now THIS.
Moeisaboysname: what is your heaviest flow day?
Moeisaboysname: mine's tomorrow! can't wait
Moeisaboysname: especially with this balmy weather upon us!
annawinsatskeeball: Mine will be tomorrow as well, although today is second runner up.
Moeisaboysname: also: do you keep track of your cycle?
Moeisaboysname: because i don't.
Moeisaboysname: so you can keep track of both of us!
annawinsatskeeball: The way I keep track of my cycle is when I either start crying for no reason or I begin to break out in zits.
annawinsatskeeball: Do you use pads or tampons?
Moeisaboysname: but i wasn't that bad yesterday.
Moeisaboysname: tampons of course
annawinsatskeeball: Even on a heavy day?
Moeisaboysname: yeah i just like to stain all my underwear
annawinsatskeeball: I'm kind of over tampons
Moeisaboysname: it's my signature
Moeisaboysname: yeah i hate pads
Moeisaboysname: i'm not over them yet
annawinsatskeeball: I hate pads too but I am sick of sticking shit up my snatch.
Moeisaboysname: no you're not
Moeisaboysname: i know you better than that
annawinsatskeeball: haha
annawinsatskeeball: Tampons are also messier
Moeisaboysname: remember back when all the teen magazines used to have that obligatory
Moeisaboysname: "just bc you stick it up yourself DOESN'T MEAN you're not a virgin!!"
annawinsatskeeball: haha yes.
Moeisaboysname: wait, also:
Moeisaboysname: the hymen
Moeisaboysname: does that still exist?
annawinsatskeeball: I think evolution moved beyond it.
Moeisaboysname: hahaha
annawinsatskeeball: I began "practicing" with tampons before I even got my period.
Moeisaboysname: what?!
Moeisaboysname: wait, WHAT?!
annawinsatskeeball: I practiced once. Meaning I stole a tampon from my friend Rachel and went home and inserted it. And I couldn't get it out. Cause, you know, there was no MOISTURE to lube it up. And I was in the bathroom crying and my mom had to come help me. Of course it didn't help that when I panicked I bore down on the tampon even more which made it harder to remove.
Moeisaboysname: that is awesome
annawinsatskeeball: It hurt!
Moeisaboysname: i bet!
annawinsatskeeball: So why does no one ever talk about how you have to shit the first day of your period?
annawinsatskeeball: Or is that just me?
Moeisaboysname: uh
Moeisaboysname: i don't think i shit today
annawinsatskeeball: You don't get the shits when you get your period?
Moeisaboysname: no yeah it fucks with the bowels
Moeisaboysname: but everything fucks with my bowels
Moeisaboysname: not nec on the FIRST DAY
annawinsatskeeball: When the cramps start is when it happens. It's like the contractions of my uterus are also having an effect on my lower intestine.
Moeisaboysname: oh yeah
annawinsatskeeball: I'm giving birth in more ways than one!
Moeisaboysname: To a big bloody uterine lining mess... and piles of watery excrement. Nice!
annawinsatskeeball: I never said it was watery.
Moeisaboysname: oh haha
Moeisaboysname: PROJECTING
annawinsatskeeball: you think?
Moeisaboysname: my period was like a miscarriage ever 28 days all last year, just VILE.
Moeisaboysname: but somehow KNOCK WOOD it hasn't been the worst thing in the world this year
Moeisaboysname: i'm actually knocking wood
Moeisaboysname: hahaha "wood"
annawinsatskeeball: you are such a boy

Share This Story

Get our newsletter