There's $550 Million Up For Grabs In The Mega Millions Lottery

Since there was no winner in Friday night’s massive $425 million Mega Millions lottery, the Lottery Gods will now be forced to give us even more money if we win.

From USA Today:

The $550 million prize, to be drawn Tuesday, would be Mega Millions’ second-largest jackpot ever and the fourth-largest lottery jackpot in U.S. history. According to the Mega Millions website, the $550 million jackpot would net a cash option of $295 million.

Wondering what your chances are of actually winning this thing? Pretty much diddly squat! But hey, don’t take it from the words of a blogger who sobered up just long enough to remember she had to work on a Saturday! Here’s your official odds:

Chances of selecting a winning six-number ticket in the lottery are just 1 in 259 million. Still, hopefuls weren’t thwarted by the odds or suspicious of a Friday the 13th drawing. Ticket sales in Virginia were running nearly 600% above normal sales, while in Oregon, they were up almost 400%, lottery officials said.

Sounds good! So, let us all now speculate irrationally about what we would spend the money on if we won. I’ll go first.

1. Commission an entire gold-dipped cyborg army made in Tom Hiddleston’s adorable likeness. Commence open war—albeit a sexy war—with the Lizard People.

2. Build a house and furniture based on various recipes from the Cheesecake Factory, including White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Cheesecake Barcalounger and Lemoncello Cream Torte sauna. Never leave the house again.

3. Launch the first all-Vodka worldwide Olympic games. Await historical glory.

4. Finance takeover of Hollywood and all of the movie business. Have all past films in the history of cinema “digitally enhanced” and re-edited into Weekend At Bernies 2. Only green light shot-for-shot remakes of Weekend At Bernies 2 helmed by world’s greatest film directors, including Martin Scorsese and Tommy Wiseau.

That’s a pretty good place to start. Now, it’s your turn. What would you spend your $550 lottery winnings on?