There Are So Many Stupid, Expensive Pet Fitness Products Out There

Is your dog looking a bit hefty? Maybe breathing a little too hard while climbing the stairs? Need him in better shape if those YouTube vids are ever gonna go viral? Well, pull out your wallet because stupidly expensive weight-loss products aren’t just for humans anymore.

Fast Company (as part of their ongoing series “Pet Week,” which deserves all the journalism awards) recently took a look at the booming pet fitness industry. It’s so much more than the Fitbit for dogs and doggie fat camps! Here are some products that you can now purchase to help your pup chase his goal weight:

Doggie treadmills (ranging from $500 to $3,000)
A doggie Pilates DVD ($24.99)
Doggie gyms ($60/month at a Virginia facility, for instance), fitness classes (“If you live in North Hollywood, the Thank Dog Bootcamp has a similar doggie-and-me fitness program for $25 per class”) and personal trainers (“In New York City, there are dog runners, endurance athletes who will take your pet for a jog, who charge $32 per 30 minutes”)
Doggie “muscle building equipment” made by Wisconsin-based “ActiveDogs.com,” including a $49.95 kettle ball
Oh, and let’s not forget “Gorilla Max,” a “Dog Protein Powder for Muscle” ($44.99 for a 30-day supply). Yes, somebody makes Muscle Milk for dogs.

Alternatively you could mail that money to the Jezebel offices and we will put it into a small pile and set it on fire while chanting mystical spells 100% GUARANTEED to reduce your dog’s BMI. (Offer not valid anywhere, not even a parallel universe.)