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The Year Was 1969. And Mitt Romney Was...Eating Alcoholic Chicken!

Illustration for article titled The Year Was 1969. And Mitt Romney Was...Eating Alcoholic Chicken!

OMG Barack Obama is tied with Clinton in Iowa! And that matters, because in Iowa your right to vote is actually MORE precious than an iPod Touch. So should we move there? And could there be any Boomer whose life in the sixties was more boring than Mitt Romney? And on a related note, could there BE a stupider city than Los Angeles? Wonkette's Megan Carpentier and I spar, in a very hungover Crappy Hour, after the jump.


MOE: Hey. Good morning.The consumer price index is up, and so is Obama's polling data! Drudge is claiming to be in the process of receiving some new numbers saying they're 26% and 26% among "certain" voters in Iowa. Is this all made-up? It somehow seems more staged than "The Hills." Anyway, now they're about to take their debate to Vegas, so Obama can pledge what happens at the debate won't stay in Vegas, and John Edwards can stage some really lame press conference about social security at the baccarat table. Anything on your end?
Megonymous: Well, I woke up hungover this morning to the vague memory of having drunk dialed someone last night and the news that Bernanke has decided that the Fed need not be the Oracle at Delphi to be effective.
Oh, and that Mexican President Calderón thinks we're all probably racist and that h's probably right.

MOE: Oh, my god! He's pledging to "share more detailed and more frequent projections about the economy than it has in the past." That's so totally Denton! But will he install on the website a Most Emailed list? And yeah, Calderon — I can't believe you actually bothered putting an accent on that, you wetback lover — is probably right. I mean, I'm pretty sure the nation's shrinking manufacturing base, widening income gap, rising cost of health care and depleting educational standards fostered by the death of cities and a breakdown in societal trust is to blame for all this, but for a lot of folks it's a lot easier to make it a matter of "Who do I have to fellate to get an ENGLISH SPEAKER on the phone???" Anyway, Calderon was the pro-business, pro-NAFTA guy, right? I love how he's cutting down Tom Tancredo and Fred Thompson.


OKAY and MEANWHILE, there's a big story about Mitt Romney in the sixties. Did you read it? Like so many politicians, he CAME OF AGE. Except, you know, he is Mormon. And so naturally I launched into it thinking, "this is going to be the most fucking boring coming-of-age story you could fucking imagine." But then I happen upon THIS: "

He was considered the free spirit of his crowd, the one who sneaked off to movies (discouraged for missionaries) and ate coq au vin (controversial because of his church's prohibition on alcohol)

Megonymous: Hey, what can I say? I love funny accent marks! Wll, in Mexico, everyone's kind of pro-NAFTA because they've got visible tangible benefits (jobs) and we've just got cheaper stuff which, as Americans, we mostly consider our birthright anyway...
Also, the coq a vin controversy doesn't surprise me. I did date a Mormon. What surprises me is that they send missionaries to France? Who do you have to fellate in the Mormon church to go to France instead of South America or Africa or something?
What does surprise me is that the LAPD thought it would be a brilliant fucking ideato just map every Muslim in the city and rank them and that no one would, like, get mad.

MOE: Oh. My. GOD. That's the sort of story that would be so funny if it happened in, like, Tulsa, or on the Onion. But LA??? I mean, we all know LA is renowned for being STUPID. But.
Megonymous: I know, right? It's so Mark Fuhrman for the 2000s or something! Like, it's not racism, people, we just want to know where you all are and to rank what we feel is your level of fanatacism so that we can more effectively target our spying on you.
They're your tax dollars, too, Muslims of LA! Don't you want them to be spent most effectively?
MOE: Well to be fair, there are a lot of Mexicans in LA, and also a lot of Persians. They're probs just sick of being confused for terrorists. I mean, after 9/11 I had to go to San Diego to research the lives of the three hijackers who lived there? And would you believe EVERY CRAZY AND HER NEIGHBOR was, like, 100% positive her neighbor was financing Al Qaeda.
Also, I was thinking the same re Mitt Romney and France.
I wonder if the Mormon missionaries in France get to wear slightly less dorky outfits.
I didn't really get far enough into the story, but does Mitt Romney drink?
He could espouse the policies of GRAVEL, and I would not vote for a non-drinker.
Megonymous: I mean, if he's an observant Mormon, he can't.
Oh, God, we simply CANNOT have 2 teetotaling Presidents in a row!


MOE: Also? Is there a consumer product you'd trade for your right to vote? Because I'm thinking, if they instated that policy, I would totally hold out and use my vote for the candidate that made "No Child Left iPodless" his platform. DUH, right?
Megonymous: Well, are we talking like bribing me to vote a certain way or stay home? Because to vote for, like, Ron Paul or something it would have to be at least an expensive car. To stay home on election day, I can't say an iPhone wouldn't make me think twice about my civic responsibilities

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Jenna Sauers

@raoul_j_raoul: You'll find all that in Iowa City, no problem. I lived there for three years while I got my B.A. and actually enjoyed myself more than I ever thought I would. It's on my list of places to apply for grad school as well — the UI is well-run, there are things to do and see, one fantastic bookstore, one great wine/beer store, several good restaurants, and plenty of stimulating people around.

Now if only they could do something about the six months of winter per annum, the tornadoes, and the dumbed down local paper that makes you want to put your eyes out. Then Iowa City would be perfect.