The MTV Video Music Awards always bring out some spectacular trainwrecks, but 2009's, at Radio City, was a vagina-showcasing, skintight, navel-plunging, transparent house of horrors that either said something really optimistic about the economy or foretold the end of days.

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Philosophically speaking: where did Lady Gaga have to go, besides Elizabethan Papagena in community production of Phantom?


So we gotta ask...


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Who wore it better?


If this is Jennifer Lopez's comeback, I'm confused about its direction.


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The sad thing? Beyonce's slash and burn is sweet and demure in this company.


Whatever people think about Kanye stealing her thunder, Taylor Swift had already scored a total triumph: continuing her reign as best-dressed star under 25.


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Alexa Chung, per usual, does her gothic Lolita hipster shtick, and pulls it off.


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See, normally, you'd think, 'wow, Jade Cole looks like a preposterous 1991 hot mess.' But tonight? This was, like, the dress code.


Miranda Cosgrove demonstrates the finest in disco ball chic.


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And Alicia Keys shoes its manifold creative possibilities...


Kristin Cavalleri, meanwhile, demonstrates the worst in disco ball chic.


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Kristin may have The Hills, but this round goes to L.C.


Leighton Meester continues her case as a serious fashion player.


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Stephanie Pratt's nightie doesn't seem that bad...and then you reach the shoes.
Apparently she's been walking through a Medieval marketplace?


Tyson Ritter's the frontman of All-American Rejects. Which really makes this too easy.


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Whitney Port, now a designer with her own tent show, has obviously gotten too big not just for her britches, but for her bustier-crinoline-Chicago-costume.


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Cassie's...getup brings to mind the immortal words of Heidi Klum: "This looks like I sewed it. And I can't sew."


In the 19th century, Whitby, North Yorkshire, was known for its fine-quality jet carving.


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Nikki Hilton: your dress offends me. It is ugly and, worse, it is boring. I think disappointing me is punishment enough.


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Isn't Amber Rose's outfit elegant and beautiful?


In case you're not sure, here's a back view!


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Normally I don't love cape-backs, but Amerie's mini is starting to look really good right about now.


Keri Hilson should really overcome her inhibitions.


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Rose Byrne totally wears this oversized floral - not easy, to which many a starlet can attest.


Solange Knowles' scrollwork mini is one of the few actual fashion risks on this R.C.


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I'd look sullen too, if my boob was coated in industrial-strength epoxy and I knew in a few hours I had to rip it off.


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As Adrienne Bailon proves, two wrongs never, ever make a right.

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