The Unwittingly Attractive Things Men Do

Once my older sister, 16 to my 14, was driving us to the
store. She was always a fast driver, and we followed too closely in
our wrecked-once Ford EXP behind a red Mercedes convertible down a
winding hill, the driver a tanned, affluent-looking middle-aged man. He stopped
short as we neared a stop sign, and our bumper tapped his. We gasped, but he barely paused. Rather, he grinned
at us in the rearview, then simply waved a tanned, gold-banded left hand
nonchalantly as if to say, toodaloo!
We busted out in nervous laughter, and then later, we swooned.

What exactly was it that he’d done to impress us so? I guess he
could’ve stopped, exploded about the scratch on his expensive car, acted like a dick, and made us pay
up. But somehow in that tiny wave, he’d telegraphed a world of
understanding, forgiveness, kindness, and even an appreciation for our teenage mischief.
He was the nicest rich, married, tan guy we’d ever met (and
possibly the only so far). We never even saw his face really, but we were smitten. We still bring it up on occasion to
this day: the story of the really nice married-man hand-wave.

I KNOW, it’s a goofy story — the guy coulda been a complete
lout — but it’s really a story about the little things people do unawares that can steal your affections. Reddit took a meander down this path recently when they asked Women of Reddit, what do men do that’s attractive, that men don’t know about? and Nerve
rounded up some of the
best answers.

The nice thing (to me) is that the answers are largely not all that typically masculine things. They are not really the things we might expect women to like
that men do, at least in terms of what’s celebrated in the culture at large.
It’s not tough guy power tripping or dick-swinging, just small, good things that
demonstrate basic good personhood: caring, passion, kindness, and
using the advantages of cultural masculinity for good. Nothing shocking here, just a gentle bed of easy reading. Shall we?

when
their eyes become softer when looking at you

Old Soft Eyes. Who isn’t a sucker for this? While it’s no
doubt Swoon City to get the soft eyes lobbed your way, the thing to note about
soft eyes is that the worst thing in the world is getting soft eyes for any
other reason but romantic interest. Amirite? It’s very confusing. Men, please,
wield soft eyes with the utmost care.

Not
to be one of those girls, but I find it hot when a guy drives calmly and
safely. Too many times I’ve driven with guys that drive aggressively, speed,
and try to show off; it is so comforting feeling like this guy that’s driving
me actually gives a shit about me and my safety; I think it shows good
character.

There is nothing “those girls” about liking
a good driver, okay? Good driving is pretty essential, all things considered.
There is, it must be noted, a fine line between grandpa, nice driver, and scary
road-rager, but if you can hit the sweet spot, the Goldilocks of driver types,
you are demonstrating excellent personhood. Also refreshing: when a guy doesn’t
care which of you drives, or rather, has no sense that it’s his duty as a guy
to drive because he doesn’t assume he’s the better driver. It’s fine if it
turns out he is the better of the two of you, just so long as it isn’t assumed cuz
he’s a dude.

I
fucking LOVE watching my boyfriend cook. I can stand there and watch him all
day long. He’s bustling around, chopping veggies and putting dry rub on meats
and stirring things around in a pan, all confident and sure-like. He thinks
he’s just making dinner. What he doesn’t know is that by the time the meal is
ready, after watching him be so competent and unself-conscious and focused on
making the food, I want to rip his clothes off and have my way with him first,
and eat dinner later.

Holla. It shows competence and self-confidence. A
willingness to try things, nourish you, and like the driving thing, to not sweat
the historical associating of kitchens ‘n’ women.

Roll
up button-ups to their elbows.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
I also think of this as “good watch arm.” Commenters on this thread
say very accurate things, such as “Forearms are just so swoon worthy”
and “the power of the forearm.” This is not the bicep! It’s not even
the strongest thing! Just a normal old everyday forearm (that can wear a
watch).

Being
kind. Seriously. Just doing stuff because you are a good person. Catching you
doing something that shows your character..sexiest thing ever.

Again, totally. Not a showy tough thing, just a decent person
thing.

Speaking
passionately about pretty much anything. When my SO talks excitedly about
anything he cares about, even if it isn’t really one of my interests, it is
insanely attractive to me.

I can take this a step further, and say actually
being passionate about an issue outside
yourself. So while it’s always great to hear someone talk about their love
for documentaries or Brazilian restaurants, I think having a cause or issue
that matters enormously is highly attractive in a man, and the reason is
simple: Too many perfectly well meaning men can afford not to care about other groups, because it’s really no skin off their nose. Male dominance so often means unexamined privilege, and when men are
able to see past their own deeply entrenched privilege to stand up for those
without it, it’s a sign of compassion and intelligence. (This could be true of any privileged
group, natch, but we’re talking about a Reddit thread on hot dudes.)

There are more worth
reading, many hilariously specific (“stretching all casual-like and
showing a bit of muscle,” “wear nice sweaters,” “the act of
loosening of the necktie”). Grooming comes up a lot, one about just running,
and others that are more standard-issue lady melters, like protecting,
fathering, and so on. Now somebody just needs to ask the same question about
women, and let us cross our fingers that it’s not all thigh gaps and hair
flips.