The Uncanny Valley That is the ‘Full House’ Lifetime Movie

Stare at this picture for a minute. How do you feel? Nauseous? Uneasy? Un-horny? There’s something familiar about these people but it feels all wrong. Like Full House from another dimension. This is a photo of the cast from The Unauthorized Full House Story, brought to us by who else but Lifetime. With all the Full House reboot mania going on lately, it’s not that much of a surprise that Lifetime wanted to get in on that. This is their modus operandi, after all. If you saw The Unauthorized Saved by The Bell Movie, you know to be scared.

From the network’s description:

From its start as an unassuming family comedy in 1987 to its eventual wildly popular 192-episode run, the film centers on the rise of the cast of one of America’s most beloved family sitcoms and the pressures they faced in balancing their television personas with their real lives.

Here’s another pic:

Full House’s entire cast will be portrayed in the biopic, even Andrea Barber, who played annoying next-door neighbor Kimmy Gibbler. Justin Gaston, an ex-boyfriend of Miley Cyrus, will be playing John Stamos’ Uncle Jesse. What kind of behind-the-scenes chisme will we get to witness? Tantrums from the Olsen twins? Catfights between Dave Coulier and Bob Saget? Luckily, I’ve got my John Stamos chronological timeline nearby to look at for possible clues. Looks like he dated Paula Abdul around 1990. Perhaps we can expect a dramatic reenactment of that relationship. The Unauthorized Full House Story will be making its way into our lives on August 22.

[Us Weekly]

It’s been a minute since we’ve heard from Amanda Bynes. The actress was spotted leaving a restaurant in West Hollywood with her life coach. “Amanda is doing great. She appreciates all of the love and support she receives from family, friends and fans,” her attorney David Esquibias told People. She’s been busy staying focused and working on fashion design. Bynes is still under temporary conservatorship of her parents. She is scheduled for a court hearing this month.

[People]

Who was behind a plane flying over Bobby Flay’s Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony and displaying a banner with the word “cheater” on it? Well, it sure wasn’t his soon-to-be ex-wife, Stephanie March. The Law & Order actress denies the prank. “Stephanie is absolutely not behind [this],” her attorney, Deborah Lans, has said. But she was probably laughing about it, right?

[Dlisted]

Bristol Palin is pulling Lena Dunham into the Josh Duggar mess. [Us Weekly]
And now her mom, Sarah Palin is joining in, with an all-caps rant that includes a “YOU PEDOPHILE, YOU,” to Lena. [Us Weekly]
Justine Bieber called Drake “Daddy” on Instagram. [Dlisted]
Kim Kardashian is upset about having to wear flats during pregnancy. I hate flats too, Kim, but sometimes we just gotta do it. [Us Weekly]
Here’s a photo of Usher holding a turtle like it’s a Big Mac he’s about to bite into. [E Online]
Kim Richards won’t be returning as a Real Housewife. [E Online]
Choreographer Darrin Henson confirms Britney Spears had an affair with her old choreographer Wade Robson. You gotta love that early aughts goss. [OMG Blog]
Speaking of Brit, she’s just like us and sings Mariah Carey songs while she’s topless and painting! [Perez Hilton]
Betty White joins Instagram! [Pop Sugar]
Congrats to Ludacris and his wife, who just gave birth to a baby girl. [E Online]