The Ultimate Cell Phone For Women: Not Pink, But With A Pregnancy Test!

Illustration for article titled The Ultimate Cell Phone For Women: Not Pink, But With A Pregnancy Test!

Marie Claire magazine asked Popgadget founder Mia Kim to come up with the ultimate cell phone for women. But the results did not please Sonia Zjawinski at Wired's Underwire blog. In fact, they made her gag. The shePhone has pill storage, condom dispenser, vibrator, corkscrew, atomizer for perfume or mace, and a home pregnancy test. Um, peeing on electronics? Really? We kind of like the pill pod, the "voice analyzer" (is your BF where he says he is?) and the universal remote, which overrides other remotes. As for Zjawinski, she writes that what she really wants in a phone is outstanding audio quality, a distress signal (with GPS), an option to block certain numbers from calling or texting and a mini compartment for money and ID.

We've been thinking about what we want in a cellphone and we agree with the money/ID compartment. Carrying less is more! Maybe we're crazy, but we'd actually like a way for our phone to be waterproof and embedded under our skin. Maybe in our hand? Or wrist? It might sound like some scary futuristic nightmare, but just think — it would never get lost, left in a taxi or dropped in a hot, bubbly pedicure bath — fates that proved deadly for our previous cell phones.

Fantasy 'ShePhone' for Women Misses the Mark [Wired]

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Pee on it, then celebrate the fact you're not pregnant by using the vibrator. Post orgasm, use the bodily-fluid covered cork screw to open a bottle of wine. Call boyfriend while somewhat tipsy to conduct voice analysis. Burst into tears after determining that he's not watching the game with his buds after all; rather, he's at his ex's place, stimulating her with her vibrating phone. Take shower to remove tears, pee, & vadge secretions from hair, ear & cheek.

Nice. Very nice. The only thing it's missing is a compartment for the cat turd you must take to the vet for the cat's annual check up/fecal exam.

Also, add a purel dispenser so that the phone can be properly sanitized between uses.