The Rumors About Teresa Giudice, Who Is NOT Holding a Gun to My Head Right Now, Are Incorrect

Illustration for article titled The Rumors About Teresa Giudice, Who Is NOT Holding a Gun to My Head Right Now, Are Incorrect
Photo: Brian Ach (Getty Images)

What???? The tabloids are saying that Teresa Giudice might have been responsible for originating those rumors about fellow Real Housewives of New Jersey castmate Jackie Goldschneider’s husband cheating that she claimed to have heard from someone else. But did she?? I, a woman sitting by herself typing freely of her own volition, don’t know about that...

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According to some unnamed sources who spoke to Page Six (no names?? could be Jackie!!), Giudice (the universally beloved and quite beautiful cast member who also happens to be the ONLY one of those women to appear on all 11 seasons of the Jersey-based iteration of the Housewives franchise) was purportedly worried about losing her spot on the Bravo reality show, so she made up some shit to keep her plotline going—on Opposite Day!! Teresa has only EVER told the truth. Yeah, she’s shaking tables... Tables made of lies!!

Speaking of lies, here are some. One of those shady sources told Page Six that Giudice is being watched by the network and needed a story to stir the pot... She had zero proof [that he cheated] and made up the story because Bravo has been getting rid of original Housewives. [Teresa’s] too expensive, and they can filter through different women. She’s desperately trying to stay relevant.” Desperate? Ha! Not this wonderful woman who has never ONCE told me she has locked my dog who normally lives with my ex in a basement and will only set him free if I blog what she tells me to blog.

Giudice’s lawyer, a good man, has denied these LIBELOUS allegations.When you are as real and authentic as Teresa has been, you don’t need to pull stunts or manufacture story to be relevant and that is ridiculous for anyone to suggest otherwise,” he told Page Six.

In summation, Teresa Giudice: beautiful, good mom, never lied about fuckin’ Jackie, never laid a finger on my dog.


  • Lynette Clarke, the British actress who appeared on recent episodes of Bridgerton and It’s a Sin, died last week. [NME]
  • Really hate to defend Michael Che on any grounds whatsoever, but his joke on last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live referencing the Israeli government’s occupation of Palestine and its general disregard for Palestinians’ well-being was not antisemitic and was in fact good. [TMZ]
  • Someone mailed a pickle to Asian Doll. [Rap Alert]
  • DaBaby and JoJo Siwa are feuding???? [Affinity Mag]
  • Update: They’re not. [Genius]
  • Katie Couric and Mayim Bialik are among the list of upcoming Jeopardy guest hosts. [Deadline]
  • The sexual misconduct lawsuit against James Franco, which alleged that he’d put his acting students in “gratuitous and exploitative sexual situations,” has been settled. [TMZ]
  • Looks like Kris Jenner’s gonna launch a skincare line... [TMZ]
  • Ricki Lake is engaged! [Page Six]
  • Love this pic of me.

Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends

DISCUSSION

The TMZ article insinuating that Che is anti-Semitic is just bizarre.

This line: Fact is ... Israel is inoculating Jews, Arabs and Christians. They were slow on the uptake with Palestinians, but they’re correcting that.

*takes a deep breath*

Jew and Arab are not mutually exclusive. Half of the Israeli (Jewish) population is of MENA descent. Because people are so ignorant about this, the Israelis can claim to be inoculating Arabs (no lie) and the world believes that they are aiding Palestinians. Jews can be Arabs; Arabs can be Jews. Ta-da!

Also, one religion notably absent here: Muslims.

I imagine that either the TMZ writer doesn’t realise that 20% of Palestinians are Christian (the assumption seems to be that the Christians aren’t Palestinians as the writer then states something about Palestinians as though they are a separate group); or Israel is inoculating Christian Palestinians before Muslims? That would be weird and difficult to parse.

Palestinian and Muslim are not synonymous, y’all.

Arab and Jew are not antonymous.

This has been a public service announcement.