The New Mathematical Formula To Determine Penis Size

Don’t you hate having to choose potential mates based on their looks and/or personality, not the size of their dick? Luckily, scientists have come up with a new formula that will allow you to determine the length of a dude’s penis before he takes his pants off — if you’re willing to whip out a tape measure and do a little math.

The old wives’ tales about big hands and feet are untrue, but Korean researchers have found the ratio of the length of a man’s index finger to his ring finger correlates to the size of his penis. A lower ratio is associated with a longer dick. The L.A. Times reports:

Dr. Tae Beom Kim, a urologist at Gachon University in Incheon, Korea, and his colleagues studied 144 men over the age of 20 who were undergoing urological surgery for conditions that do not affect the length of the penis. One member of the team carefully measured the lengths of the index and ring fingers on the subject’s right hand before surgery — left hands are thought to be more variable. A second team member then measured penis length immediately after the subject had been anesthetized. The length was measured both when the penis was flaccid and when it had been stretched as much as possible. Stretched length is thought to correlate to erect length, the team wrote. The team found that, in general, the lower the ratio of the lengths of the two fingers, the longer the stretched length of the penis.

Hopefully these guys were informed beforehand that they’d be subjected to a hearty penis stretching once they were knocked out.

Hard-nosed journalists Hoda and Katie Lee tackled the issue this morning. If the index/ring finger ratio seems familiar, that’s because it’s been linked to several other conditions. Previous research suggests it’s determined by prenatal exposure to sex hormones, and various studies have linked the ratio to gender, lesbianism, attractiveness in men, a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer, and homosexuality — if the man has older brothers. Soon you should be able to perform a full medical analysis just by creepily staring at a dude’s hand.