It's December, and if you work in any kind of office environment at all, you've probably already received an email about the forced merriment you are about to endure with your coworkers on a Friday night that should have been your own. And you might want to play fast and loose with those drink tickets. Word of advice: Don't.

The above video, helpfully put together by the fine people at Fast Company (and featuring a few familiar faces), details every mistake you can make and then politely reminds you that you shouldn't because, unlike Vegas, what happens at the office holiday party is going to be the main subject of gossip come Monday. So don't drink, don't dance and most definitely don't try to bond with your coworkers or your boss. Trust me, you'll regret it.

Ok, you want to know why you'll regret it? I'll tell you. Once I went to a Christmas party and stole several people's drink tickets and had to be cut off and then I danced so hard and so fast—a horrifying mixture of tap and what I would call "modern hip-hop"—that I ended up throwing up in public. And that's why I didn't go next year. Learn from my mistakes.

But also: Don't leave early. Wait until everyone else gets so drunk they start fucking up and steal their secrets. (That advice is a gift from me to you.)