- Radio talk show host to presidential candidate: "America wants to know — would you pardon Paris Hilton?" Thus began a morning of watching the legitimate media — starved as they are for weighty topics — attack the Paris prison scandal like rats to a carcass. Around 7:30 Al Sharpton weighed in on CNN. A few minutes later we found something on the Washington Post op-ed page dubbing Paris our generation's Mona Lisa. And Mozart. And Sun-Tzu. A story in the paper was a bit less reverent: "Be mad! Be glad! You didn't get a vote."
- The prosecutors do, however, and so the saga continues, and at noon our time America will tune in yet again to witness Chapter 2,087 in this epochal happening on one of the major cable news channels, and you can feel safe clicking back here to see how we feel about it all. (SPOILER ALERT: Nothing!) [TMZ]
- Adam Brody, who is cute, has a new girlfriend he won't be photographed with. But we know who she is! We're putting her picture after the jump so you actually give us some page views. [Page Six]
- Angelina Jolie has visited refugee camps in 30 countries. Can we even name 30 countries, after three weeks in this gig? Let's see, Malawi, um, Iraq... [People]
- We could not be more in love with Dave Chappelle. In fact, seriously guys, that's our next poll, this just reminded us, this genius we know named Julia once suggested we perennially pose the question, "Who Would Jesus Do?" and that's our first pair: Angelina? Or Dave Chappelle? I mean, we're not gay, but we're gay for Angelina, so we imagine that even if Jesus was straight, like we think he is since... that Discovery Channel show or something... he would still probably be gay for Dave, and Anderson Cooper, and Shepard Smith, who Julia claims isn't gay but whatever. [Page Six]
- Lindsay Lohan dumps Calum Best. The story is tagged "bizarre" because it involves a Lohan engaging in non-self-destructive behavior, but we're pretty sure that visit from Dina in rehab will get Lindsay flocking to the arms of another larcenous sex-addicted cokehead soon enough. [The Sun]
- Meet Lauren German, the latest Rachel Bilson replacement:
Milla Jovovich + Jodie Foster = Lauren German