I definitely have more of a "type" when it comes to sex toys than I do when it comes to men. Maybe that's because there's just this one specific need that a sex toy needs to live up to, so I tend to be unyielding in my bias toward certain kinds of toys. For instance, I've always been into clit stimulation, meaning that I don't even bother to fuck with dildos that don't also vibe. Actually, I usually stay away from penetration during a normal masturbation sesh, which means that I almost never fuck with dildos at all. But in my never-ending quest to find at least one toy that could match the utter awesomeness of the Hitachi Magic Wand, I decided to open myself up, so to speak, to a dildo (a vibrating one). After the jump, the Mary Mermaid takes a dive into my vagina.

Stats: The Mary Mermaid is a dildo in the shape of a mermaid (and also, disturbingly, the virgin Mary), with a fin that curves up for clit stimulation. It's part of manufacturer Fun Factory's "Twist 'n' Shake" line of toys, and has separate controls to adjust vibration of the fin and rotation of the dildo. It's 9.25" in total size, with 4.5" of "insertable" length. It takes 4 AA batteries, and costs $73.95. It's a little bit noisy when you have it going at full blast, but nothing out of the ordinary. Check out the way it moves and sounds here (don't worry, this is just a demonstration and my vagina does not make an appearance):

Pros: This thing looks and moves strangely and its freakishness alone kinda turned me on. Having separate controls for rotation and vibration (each of which can be completely shut off) is a plus. The sound of the mechanism isn't too loud or annoying.

Cons: I warmed up with some fin vibe before plunging the dildo in. I also put on some Xtube porn to help me along. I inserted the top of the dildo in after a few minutes, but it (or my vagina) was being stubborn and wouldn't really go in, even though I was plenty wet. I turned up the rotation to see if it could sort of twist its way in there. I could only get the bulbous head part in though. While the top portion was still inside me, I let go of the Mermaid and looked down to see what was going on. The bottom half was seriously flopping around like a fish out of water. I couldn't help but think of that Faith No More video. I couldn't get off.

Verdict: Meh. It's pretty much just The Rabbit, repackaged as a mythical creature.

Mary Mermaid [VibeReview]

Earlier: The NEA: Is This "Luxury" Vibrator Worth It?

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