If you woke up this pale, trembling morn with a deep sense of unease and foreboding, a lingering feeling that all is not right on this planet of ours, then your body was likely trying to warn you that the fate of the Kardashians' reality TV empire hangs in the balance.
Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are refusing to film season 10 of their reality show until the person who has been stealing their money and jewelry is caught. In the past few months, $4k was taken from Kourtney's Hamptons rental house, $50k from her Calabasas home and $250k in jewelry was stolen from Khloe (if you're wondering why someone would have $50k lying around casually, here is your answer).
Because there was no sign of forced entry, the thefts appear to be inside jobs. The triad of Kardashians — who have taken all recommended extra security measures in the wake of the robberies — thus refuse to continue filming until the thief is apprehended. (I bet $100 that it's Kris Jenner trying to stir up some drama ooooorrr making a paper-mâché bust of Kim out of shredded dollar bills.)
What will America do without the Kardashians? Where else can I watch Bruce Jenner fly toy helicopters recreationally? Feeling very at a loss right now. [TMZ]
Angry moustache Justin Bieber will not serve jail time for his Miami drag racing charges. He will have to take anger management classes, though, in addition to making a $50,000 charitable donation and paying court-ordered fines. And so ends our collective sweet dream/beautiful nightmare. [People]
Anna Kendrick is maybe dating Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones. They were apparently spotted eating sushi at "a dark table" in a restaurant, and we all know what that means (???? do we?). Anyway, I'm into it. [DListed]
- Atop a surfboard, clad in a t-shirt and a dilapidated man-bun, Leonardo DiCaprio looks out at the sea and ponders life. [ONTD]
- Elsewhere in the ocean, a frolicsome sea nymph and satyr basked in the divine radiance of true love. [ONTD]
- Pussy Riot will apparently appear in season three of House of Cards. Remember the reports that they were going to star in Spring Breakers 2? RIP that rumor. [Billboard]
- LeAnn Rimes says that she and Eddie Cibrian are "a gay man's wet dream," revealing that she has no idea how human sexuality works. Maybe she thinks a wet dream is what happens when you fall asleep slack-jawed and drool a bit? Because that probably happens to a lot of people who watch LeAnn and Eddie. [ONTD]
- Tyga and Blac Chyna — a person I know solely from her cameos on Kim Kardashian's Instagram — have gotten un-engaged. [Bossip]
- Jessica Simpson threw Ashlee Simpson a "bohemian bridal shower." It's bohemian because multiple women in attendance were wearing caftans. [Hello]
- Kaitlin Olson from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is going to have a recurring role in The New Girl!! [EW]
- This is very nice: Christy Mack's friends and fellow adult film stars are crowd-sourcing to raise money for her facial reconstructive surgery after the brutal, horrifying beating she suffered at the hands of her ex-boyfriend. So far they've raised over $36,000. [The Hollywood Gossip, fundraiser at GiveForward]