The Highs And (Very) Lows Of Movie Marketing, Alice-Merch Edition

Tim Burton‘s Alice in Wonderland isn’t even released until tomorrow, but you can already dress in, adorn yourself with, carry, make yourself up with, loll around in bed wearing, and get your nails did with products tied to the movie.

Ready to live the Alice lifestyle approved by Disney’s marketing department? Well, click on through a gallery of capitalism that gets curiouser and curiouser…

Awesome things about the Hot Topic Mad Hatter Zip-Up Hoodie with skeleton key zipper pull, $48.00, and the Hot Topic Red Black And White Heart Stripe Ruffle Skirt, $34: when you put them side by side it looks like the girl model ate some Alice in Wonderland growing cake. Bad things: everything else.

Swarovski is selling a $165.95 crystal charm pendant that looks like something you could have more fun compiling yourself out of thrift store jewelry. And it has a non-operational clock.

This Tom Binns For Disney Couture necklace may not technically tell the time, either, but at least you can tell somebody thought about the design. This set of little movable forks and knives and their Dali clock face can be yours for $74.95.

Meanwhile, Binns’ main line also has some pieces that take inspiration from the movie. They’re a lot more expensive, though; this necklace is somewhere north of $1,000. It looks…heavy.

Disney makes Alice In Wonderland shoes for girls that have lights in the heels ($7.99). My inner 7-year-old is smiling.

Sue Wong‘s collection of party dresses betrays little apparent relationship with Alice, but these two still cost $328 (left) and $388 (right). Our reaction to that is about the same as the expression on the model in the $328 frock.

This is just scary. In a backup-dancer-from-Flashdance-cum-Cats-fangirl kind of way. The description says there are sequins on here, somewhere, too. Maybe I can’t see them because they’re hiding from that horrifying cat?

For its fall/winter collection, Furla showed handbags that — while not officially tied to the Burton film — were most definitely inspired by Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, specifically the character of the White Rabbit. While I think the print is cute, Furla’s bags are normally in the $300-$600 range, which is a bit pricey for something this one-note.

OPI has named these shades, from left, Absolutely Alice, Thanks So Muchness, and Mad As A Hatter. They cost about $8; I kind of love the glittery-mushroom color of Hatter.

Stella McCartney‘s gold and plastic contribution to the merch-fest costs $395.

This Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland-themed makeup kit, $52, comes in a box that has a pop-up diorama in the lid. Whether the dorkiness of a pop-up diorama compounds or alleviates the dorkiness of a makeup kit, I can’t say.

This caterpillar cuff by QVC costume jewelry brand Kirks Folly disturbs me. And not just because it costs $92. Can you imagine it worn with the Cheshire Cat night shirt? Egads.

Avril Lavigne‘s tween line for Kohl’s, Abbey Dawn, released a capsule collection for fans of Alice in Wonderland, or others who may, for personal reasons, wish to purchase pin-striped pleated-front cotton-polyester-spandex short-shorts with attached suspenders. Lavigne herself repeatedly referred to the White Rabbit’s “stopwatch” in promotional interviews, suggesting that perhaps her mind occasionally wandered during the design process. The best I can say of these clothes is that they are all on sale.

This ring, which Dodai owns, deserves special mention for being actually quite cute.

Of course, there’s nothing like a classic Slutty Halloween Costume to display your deeply original Lewis Carroll and/or Tim Burton fangirldom.