The French Finally Get Their Own Word for ‘Binge Drinking’

For years, it appears, there has been no binge drinking in France. None. Literally no one in the history of France has ever gotten drunk on purpose, even Gerard Depardieu! The very concept of glugging bottom-shelf garbage spirits for the purposes of inebriation, social fluidity, sexy intercourse, and barfing was so foreign to the French that they did not even have a word for it. They just called it “le binge drinking,” probably with a sniff and a sarcastic American twang and then a high-five to the nearest poodle. UNTIL NOW.

The shits they are a-changing over in old Francetown. It’s not all getting a light buzz off of young, aerated cabernet sauvignon decanted into a golden shoe anymore! The kids want that newfangled Anglo stuff—you know how the kids are—they want “le binge drinking” and they want it now. And lo, wanton drunkenness has finally found its way into the French bloodstream and the French language.

Via The Guardian:

As a sign of the changing times and the reported spread of the practice in France, however, the country’s language police have decreed an official new term.

As of now, binge drinking does not happen in France. Instead, anyone consuming large quantities of alcohol in a short space of time with the intention of getting drunk is engaged in beuverie express.

The phrase, which translates literally as “fast drinking”, was given the official approval of the culture ministry’s general commission of terminology and neology on Sunday. The commission defined the term as “the massive absorption of alcohol, generally in a group, aimed at provoking drunkenness in the minimum amount of time”.

When reached for comment, France’s Minister of Language Jean-Pierre LaPierre “Jacques” Jean-Jean explained:

Hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hoh hohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I don’t really do much binge drinking anymore—I save my binge time for Alias and variety packs of Lindor Truffles. HOWEVER. The next time I do drink myself silly, that shit is going to be all beuverie express all the way. I am in love with beuverie express. BEUVERIE EXPRESS IS THE CLASSIEST WAY TO FALL DOWN AND PEE YOUR PANTS EVER. Leave it to the French to make vomit-encrusted shame sound like an elegant lady’s $400 toilet water.

Also, remember to beuverie responsibly, mes enfants. Express some water while you’re at it.