The Environmental Protection Agency Has a Serial Hallway Pooper

Illustration for article titled The Environmental Protection Agency Has a Serial Hallway Pooper

A regional office of the Environmental Protection Agency is having a little difficulty protecting its own environment, as someone keeps using their hands or buttholes to leave human shit in the halls. Seriously.

According to GovExec, the poop problem in the Denver EPA office has gotten so bad that it's merited an internal memo.

You know a government agency is Getting Serious when it issues a fucking memo!

Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor mentioned "several incidents" in the building, including clogging the toilets with paper towels and "an individual placing feces in the hallway" outside the restroom.

Confounded by what to make of this occurrence, EPA management "consulted" with workplace violence "national expert" John Nicoletti, who said that hallway feces is in fact a health and safety risk. He added the behavior was "very dangerous" and the individuals responsible would "probably escalate" their actions.


If they can't get control of the rogue shitter, the EPA's going to have to change its name to the Excessive Pooping Agency. Or Excrement Pollution Authority. Or, simply, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

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Ginger Is A Construct

I wonder if it's the ghost of Ronald Reagan. Somewhat related, I rewatched Ghostbusters recently, I never noticed before but the EPA is totally the villain in that movie. Trying to use all their red tape and policies to shut down the ghost containment! How dare they! Oh 80s movie politics...