Welcome back to Crappy Hour, where the Anonymous Lobbyist and I parse the morning's big headlines while we wait for the caffeine/ ibuprofen/ amphetamines/ electrolytes/ seratonin reuptake inhibitors to kick in. This morning, we discuss the debates, the gays, that yoga principal, the interest rate environment and so much more stuff that is only slightly less compelling than OMG Lance Armstrong made out with Ashley Olsen.
moeproblems: oh you know what i'd like to do today is screengrab the most-viewed WP stories with the most emailed NYT stories
hotellobbyist: hahahaha. people in DC are such nerds. top nyt story is the gay enclaves, and the top wapo one is clinton!
moeproblems: this is the ultimate in retardation:
moeproblems: "In a perverse way, you know, I think the Republicans and their constant obsession with me demonstrates clearly that they obviously think I am communicating effectively about what I will do as president," she said.
Edwards shot that theory down. "I mean, another perspective on why the Republicans keep talking about Senator Clinton is, Senator, they may actually want to run against you, and that's the reason they keep bringing you up," he said.
hotellobbyist: wait, no, the reason republicans keep talking about Hilary is that they all still hate her with the fire of a thousand suns and so does their base. it raises shitloads of money for candidates and the party.
moeproblems: well the hate has a lot of epic "we hate you because...we forgot why....oh yes....you're as popular as your husband but with the CHARM OF DICK CHENEY...you represent all our failures...and it will be you who gets to bomb iran!!!"
hotellobbyist: i think that's really more thought than most rabid republicans put into it, i swear
hotellobbyist: they're all still obsessed with the 90s
moeproblems: i'm saying that's probs sort of what's in newt's head?
hotellobbyist: how many wives/mistresses has that guy had? i think he doesn't have much on the brain other than 'tang.
hotellobbyist: and making money
moeproblems: hahaha no he's still so obsessed w. the clintons omg
moeproblems: he practically endorsed obama earlier this year
moeproblems: he hates them so much
hotellobbyist: well, maybe because he's jealous of how much pussy bill got?
hotellobbyist: or he wants to fuck hilary and is sublimating
hotellobbyist: oh, sorry. hope you hadn't just eaten. i think i horrified myself with that mental image
moeproblems: haha they're all jealous of how much pussy bill got but no one's jealouser than clarence thomas
moeproblems: Oooooh, one of the most popular stories on the Washington Post's "Most Viewed" list is about how Bernanke should NOT cut rates today!
moeproblems: The writer will be discussing it at 11 a.m. SEE YOU THEN!
hotellobbyist: that is definitely not the standard answer...
moeproblems: "Look Wall Street in the eye and Just Say No." is the last line
moeproblems: Do people in Washington really think about the Fed that much?
hotellobbyist: ok, well, that's kinda funny. also, obv, only Wall Street cares about interest rates
hotellobbyist: um, anyone with a mortgage prolly does. i do. i want them to cut it so i can maybe refi
moeproblems: Oh goody, let's bring it back to us.
moeproblems: No interest rate environment has ever had an effect on my shitty 29.9 APR
moeproblems: But I've been known to cut a deal with the credit card companies when times are tough.
hotellobbyist: well, yeah. what does the fed have to do with usury?
moeproblems: They'll just chop your bill in half and call it even.
moeproblems: Anyway, tell me about your mortgage! It all sounds so grown up...
hotellobbyist: well, have you done it recently?
hotellobbyist: because the new bankruptcy law they passed a couple years ago makes it far easier for them to collect the full nut from you
hotellobbyist: lobbied for... my the credit card companies, natch
moeproblems: oh you EVIL BITCH!
moeproblems: I hear there's a new kind of bankruptcy everyone's using right now
moeproblems: Chaper 29 or something.
hotellobbyist: that may be because of the new law. i mean, financial services was hardly my bailiwick, but the new law makes it harder to restore your name and easier for creditors to get their money back, and it disincentivizes credit card companies forgiving as much debt
moeproblems: Also, personally I'm against a rate cut because I, like the writer of that story, hate the way Wall Street likes to bully around the central bank and pretend it's got the Fed chief in its pocket when, for fuck's sake, why should the Fed care WHAT Wall Street does on anything but a super long term basis. "Liquidity" Fuckshittity is what I say!
hotellobbyist: damn, i'm a little upset at myself for agreeing with you.
moeproblems: So there were other pressing stories I wanted to get to.
moeproblems: Those stories about the principal who makes his students do yoga and gayborhoods losing their uh "edge" are still leading the New York Times most emailed lists. Did you read either one?
hotellobbyist: um, i read both
moeproblems: I mean, because, I say, if the historic gay neighborhood of PHILADELPHIA has been gentrified beyond any claim to edge, story 1 is a little late
moeproblems: Probably the gay section of Newark has some edge still
hotellobbyist: i can't resist anything reading anything about teh gayz
moeproblems: Does Gary, Indiana have a gayborhood? Bc that could be INTERESTING.
hotellobbyist: i mean, Dupont (where they held the drag races last night) used to be all gay, but now they have an Ann Taylor Loft
hotellobbyist: and then columbia heights got a target
hotellobbyist: so they're all moving to Shaw
hotellobbyist: eventually, they're just going to have to go to Anacostia to escape us breeders
moeproblems: Dupont was gentrified beyond all flavoration back when Mayor Barry was getting set up.
moeproblems: I mean, seriously, when I was in high school you went there, like, ONLY to go to the 18th Street Lounge.
moeproblems: And that was like 20 years ago.
hotellobbyist: well, I think the Ann Taylor Loft is the sign of the breeding apocalypse
moeproblems: Adams Morgan was cool, but Dupont was only good for the fact that the Big Hunt didn't card.
hotellobbyist: well, and tatooed pierced-up wait staff
moeproblems: Any thoughts on yogi headmaster?
hotellobbyist: kids in harlem should have such problems?
hotellobbyist: i mean, i gotta think school violence is more stressful than too many social activities
moeproblems: Seriously, I remember the first weekend at Penn we had to go on a service project to West Philadelphia that involved, uh, evicting a family that hadn't paid their rent in like 20 years.
hotellobbyist: that's a service project?
moeproblems: And I remember thinking "Fuck, Tribe called Quest was really watering shit down...."
moeproblems: Well I think the idea was that they'd been trying to keep the building relatively crackhead free, and these people had violated that a few too many times, and SOMEBODY needed to get that roach infested couch down the fire escape, and who better but a bunch of Penn freshmen....
hotellobbyist: ugh, i hate roaches
moeproblems: Anyway, that year Tribe Called Quest had this song "Stressed Out" and I was like, um, "stressed
moeproblems: would be the word for this?
moeproblems: I mean, you know, not like Tribe was the epitome of gangster but it was on the radio a lot, Faith Evans sang the hook and Biggie had just died etc. etc. MOVING ON.
hotellobbyist: well, but i don't think that gangster is any super realistic reflection on the lives of most urban poor, either
moeproblems: True, and also, then you go to LA and see where all these gangstas grew up and it doesn't really make sense. Hey, did you see the judge who sued the dry cleaner for a gigazillion dollars or whatever lost his job?
hotellobbyist: like, finally! i mean, i don't really think crazy is a good thing for a judge to be.
hotellobbyist: i'm all for helping those with disabilities, but that's a little too much
moeproblems: Yeah judgeships are given out like rave drugs by corrupt politicos and it really needs to stop
moeproblems: Ecstasy: still in system!
moeproblems: PS Kucinich said nuclear power is the most expensive kind of power last night. Is that true?
hotellobbyist: well, it depends on what you count as an expense
moeproblems: Right, I was with him all night until he just started sounding like, I think a commenter pointed this out, "Your old hippie uncle"
hotellobbyist: i mean, solar power's "free" because it comes from the sun, but those panels are damn expensive to buy/produce and it takes a lot of surface area (i.e., land) to do it
hotellobbyist: it's expensive to build a nuclear plant and hopefully not cheap to run what with how many employees you need, but it produces a shit ton of power and lasts forever unless it blows up
moeproblems: And whatever, by then the ice caps will have melted and Jesus will be back to fix it all anyway so who cares?
moeproblems: Ok I'm goig to put this all up.
moeproblems: IM dodai and tell her I'm working on it!
hotellobbyist: also, i'm going to ask dodai about putting up a poll about vaginas