Please join me for "Oh Jen, Your Ass Is Gonna Get Reamed": A Dramatic Recreation of one woman's harrowing journey to Bath & Body Works for a $&%^$&* CANDLE THAT I HAVE BEEN ON YOU ABOUT FOR A WEEK! And I said "a live person!?" and I said 'WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM TALKING TO NOW?' (I left out the F word.)

Whoops, sorry, just got a little bit excited there. But it's hard not to be excited when three actresses give the internet what it's been looking for since last week when a woman's 2012 monologue (some may call it a rant) about not getting the right candle created the the biggest villain the world has ever seen surfaced. Yes, Jen from Appleton is a monster so evil that the ginger spice candles and the mommy time body spray quiver in fear as she stalks past, her brunette tresses flapping in the wind evilly.

I think the best part of this rant is how worked up Angela, the woman in the video, is about her candles. She settled for "Peach Bellini" when the candles she wanted (not named because they're already so understocked Angela is afraid you're gonna want them) were not in, but she's called Osh Kosh and Green Bay and Fond Du Lac and you, Appleton, said you had the candles. And now the candles aren't here? And you're just going to try to give Angela some coupons? She has every coupon Bath & Bodyworks has. That's the best part of the rant. The best part of the video? Basically everything.

Just on a personal note, I kind of get Angela's frustration because I've been to Bath & Body Works and had atrocious customer service in an empty store while the cashiers talked about how busy it was. It was awful. Worse than war. Perhaps this reenactment will get them to change their ways.

Video via The Dirty Cues (Starring Lisa Marie Summerscales, Kat Primeau and Shana Eva)