The Cookbook For Men Who Get Way Too Excited About Cooking

Illustration for article titled The Cookbook For Men Who Get Way Too Excited About Cooking

Fresh on the heels of our testicle festival feast, comes news of yet another horrifying cookbook, Natural Harvest — A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. From jizzed-upon oysters to splooge-tinged drinks — and a tip for making one's own (rather small) semen omelete — author Paul "Fotie" Pfotenhauer totally goes there.

Advertisement

Although we have no reason to suspect that Paul is related to our favorite, hated conservative talking head Nancy Pfotenhauer, the picture of oysters topped with Paul Pfotenhauer's special sauce made me think of the one (and only) time I tried oysters, and he's not wrong about the complimentary tastes.

Advertisement

Several years ago, I was at a work dinner at a pricey D.C. seafood restaurant with the only dinner companions I've ever had so spectacularly out-drink me. They ordered up from the raw bar to start, and I attempted to decline to join in, never having had the inclination to suck down a raw mollusk. To my deep chagrin, they weren't so keen to let me forgo the supposed pleasure. The colleague to my left tenderly squirted lemon juice on one and held it up to my mouth while the rest of the table began loudly chanting for me to eat it, which I did. To me, it tasted and felt like someone had hocked a loogie into a shell, refrigerated it, put some lemon juice on it and thrust it into my mouth. As I swallowed with a grimace, the table erupted in cheers and the waiter leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Oh, honey, you should be used to that taste by now."

If that doesn't make you laugh, just go read this old post by Moe about cum mummies. Or try eating an oyster without thinking of jizz.

Advertisement

Nom Nom: Semen Recipes [Guanabee]
Natural Harvest — A Collection Of Semen-Based Recipes [Lulu]

Earlier: Giving Thanks: Foodie Feminists Feast On Tasty Testicles
Dear Nancy Pfotenhauer: Please Wipe That Smile Right Off Of Your Face
BF Looking For New Ways To Waste His Semen? Meet Phil "Messy" Meste....

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

BeckySharper
BeckySharper

From the book's promotional copy:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!