The Burger King Feels Meals Are Somehow Not a Satire of Capitalism

In an absolutely staggering display of corporate social consciousness gone wacky to the point of meaninglessness, Burger King is rolling out a line of “Real Meals.” The meals are a riff on a McDonald’s Happy Meal, but instead raise awareness about mental health. Your ordering options now include the Blue Meal, the Salty Meal, the DGAF Meal, the Salty Meal, and—unbelievably—the “Pissed” Meal.

CBNC reported, in a dispatch that truly makes me concerned that I have fallen and catastrophically injured my head:

No one is happy all the time. That’s the message Burger King is trying to communicate with a lineup of burger meals focused on “real” moods to help raise awareness about mental health.

Timed to Mental Health Awareness Month in May, the “Real Meals” include the Blue Meal, Salty Meal, Yaaas Meal and DGAF (Don’t Give a F—-) Meal. They include a Whopper, french fries and a drink.

“Burger King restaurants understands that no one is happy all the time. That’s why they’re asking guests to order a Whopper meal based on however they might be feeling,” an online release says.

The idea that a plastic-wrapped hamburger in any meaningfully addresses mental health beggars belief, and yet is the logical conclusion of our current social media marketing equation, in which brands are constantly attempting to top one another with a greater and more empathetic understanding of their deeply bummed-out followers. “Feel bad? Buy a Whopper!” is such an incredible stereotype capitalism gone awry that if this were satire, it would be dismissed as hackwork.

And yet, we do have hard questions for management about the new initiative. We have reached out to Burger King for comment (via Tweet) and will update if we hear more.