The British Have Naked Slumber Parties, but No One Else Is Invited

So not only are British men wallowing in grimy, fluid-dappled bedsheets, the British people — as in, the nation of proud, austere, emotionally cloistered monarch sycophants — are quite fond of sleeping naked, because all that stiff-upper-lip stuff needs some kind of an outlet, and going to bed without first corralling one’s genitals seems like the most innocuous outlet there is.

A delightful new poll from the U.S. National Sleep Foundation (only the best science was used, to be sure) found that, when asked about the manner and preponderance of their sleeping attire, 30 percent of British respondents admitted to sleeping naked, confident their domiciles would never catch fire in the night, forcing them out naked and sleepy-eyed into the street for public ridicule. Meanwhile, in the more civilized parts of the world where people have discovered things like pajamas and developed healthy fears of spontaneous nocturnal genital twisting, only 12 percent of U.S. respondents and 9 percent of Germans admitted to nighttime nudity.

Maybe British people are just boning way more than other people, or (more likely), BIG PAJAMA hasn’t been able to wrap its tentacles around the British sleeper, who’d rather go naked before becoming a corporate slave.